Ladies and gentlemen, the item you are...

Ladies and gentlemen, the item you are about to see is true: The L.A. Police Historical Society is throwing a Jack Webb Tribute as part of the LAPD’s 125th anniversary celebration.

The late actor, who portrayed the incorruptible Sgt. Joe Friday in TV’s “Dragnet,” will be remembered Oct. 4 at the Century Plaza. Several other actors who’ve played TV cops are expected to attend.

Webb will be honored in a special film.

Special, but short.

Six minutes.

The way Joe would have liked it.

No frills.

Just the clips, ma’am.

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The Big Apple vs. the Big Orange: While on a N.Y. to L.A. flight, John Petrovich noticed a discarded piece of paper on which someone had scrawled the pros and cons of those two cities. “Clearly a New Yorker struggling with whether or not to move to the Promised Land,” Petrovich observes.

The “pros” for New York included: “Seasons . . . music . . . Carnegie . . . marry . . . real golf . . . family . . . Yale Club . . . history . . . green! . . . sophistication.”

New York’s “cons” included: “Commute . . . less workouts . . . violence . . . filth.”

Some L.A. “pros”: “Golf . . . Ron . . . studio lot . . . no friends in N.Y. . . . close to work . . . easy life . . . independence . . . premieres . . . Hollywood Bowl . . . UCLA.”

Some L.A. “cons”: “No family . . . weather . . . dryness . . . imitations . . . Ron drifting . . . more cost . . . out of mainstream . . . total monotony . . . biding time . . . dead-end job . . . a lot of flying . . . isolation . . . loneliness.”

Forget about L.A. and New York. We’re worried about Ron.

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Watr, watr, everywher: On a Houston to L.A. flight, Kevin Baxter noticed a disconcerting spelling on a container.

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Another McInsult: We mentioned a while back that McDonald’s is offering souvenir pogs that picture the landmark 1950s-style stand in Downey--the one it has boarded up. You may remember that the closure drew thousands of written protests from fans, including President Clinton and Gov. Pete Wilson.

Now, Mark Leaf points out that the company is exploiting the landmark stand, topped by original mascot Speedee the Chef, in another way--by allowing the Franklin Mint to peddle “the first officially authorized McDonald’s Collector Plate.”

And here’s the topper: Ads for the item say it brings to life “all the warmth and 1950s nostalgia of the very first McDonald’s.”

Yes, all the warmth of a wrecking ball.

miscelLAny Joe Friday’s partners in “Dragnet” included Sgt. Ben Romero (played by Barton Yarborough), Sgt. Jacobs (Barney Philips), Officer Frank Smith (Ben Alexander) and Officer Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan).