Volunteers Help Gays and Lesbians to Work Things ‘Out’ : Sexuality: They lend advice or just a sympathetic ear for callers struggling with their own orientation or that of a loved one during ‘National Coming Out Day.’

When Jack Hill, 37, a firefighter in Orange, wrote an article for a local gay magazine about how he “came out” to his friends and family, he thought only gays and lesbians would read it.

But then fellow firefighters picked up a copy of the Blade and read Hill’s confession.

The other firemen were understanding and Hill found that he had been keeping a large part of his life secret when he really need not have.

To help others accept their sexual orientation or tell friends, relatives or co-workers about it, Hill joined about a dozen other people Tuesday answering calls on a “Coming Out” help line at the Gay and Lesbian Community Services Center of Orange County.

The one-day help line was part of support activities put on by gay service organizations and on college campuses across the country for “National Coming Out Day.” The day began in 1988 as a commemoration of the Oct. 11, 1987, March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights.

The goal of Orange County’s help line volunteers was to serve as listeners to people struggling with their own sexual orientation or that of a loved one.

They told their own stories or detailed how they had reacted when their children or siblings delivered the news to them. They also gave out phone numbers for local gay and lesbian religious, social and athletic organizations and information on HIV testing.

“It’s easier to first come out to someone you don’t know and who you can hang up on,” said Brenda Baker of Aliso Viejo who, with her partner Kimberly Syre, came up with the idea for the Orange County help line. “You can’t have a positive self-image if you don’t get any positive feedback.”

Volunteers said they were disappointed that many of the almost 100 calls were hang-ups or mistaken calls from people whose friends, or enemies, had paged them with the help line number.

But with every third call or so, they got to help callers looking for advice and support.

One couple told them that hours earlier they had kicked their son out of the house when he told them he was gay. They wanted to know how else they should have reacted.

Help line volunteer Pam Woody, whose 25-year-old son Mark told her two years ago that he was gay, said abandoning a family member because of sexual orientation is common but something she finds disturbing.

“I want people to know that there’s really not much different in being gay or lesbian,” said Woody, toying with a pink triangle on a chain around her neck. “Homosexuality isn’t just about sex. It’s about falling in love, just like we heterosexuals do.”

Woody said she didn’t accept her son’s gayness right away. It took her several months before she overcame the initial shock of thinking Mark would lead a “desolate, lonely life” and realized she loved him no matter whom he chose to live with.

This is the first year the center has coordinated with the Orange County chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays to run the help line. The members said they hope to run another talk line next October, this time with more response.

“I think they’re off to a good start,” said Pat Callahan, who works with the Lesbian & Gay Leadership Federation of Orange County. “There’s a real need. If someone is ready to take a particular step in the coming-out process, they need to have a place to check in with.”