LAUGH LINES : Jokes

Le Grande Orange: “County supervisors are at a loss to explain how Treasurer Robert L. Citron managed to lose $1.5 billion. After all, he’d done so well at EuroDisney.” (Bob Mills)

* “The voters are to blame. That’s what they get for reelecting a treasurer whose campaign slogan was Let It Ride .” (Argus Hamilton)

* “Following O.C.’s filing for the largest-ever municipal bankruptcy, Moody’s and Standard & Poor’s said ratings of the county fund would now be handled by their subsidiaries, Downright Depressed and Substandard & Dirt-Poor. “ (Dave Barton)

* “A last-minute bailout offer fell through when supervisors refused to rename John Wayne Airport for Michael Huffington.” (Mills)

* “In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian admitted that he was with a depressed investor yesterday and did not intervene as the man invested heavily in Orange County municipal bonds.” (Tony Peyser)

* “New Orange County T-shirt slogan: Derivatives Are for Calculus, Not Investments! (Alan Coles)

* “The next thing you know they’ll be selling T-shirts in Newport Beach that say Will Work for Boat Slip Rent .” (Linda Beaty)

* “How bad is it? I saw Mickey Mouse standing on a Katella off-ramp with a sign: Will Work for Cheese .” (R. Alex Kaseberg)

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In the news: The holidays have arrived in L. A., but it’s difficult to tell, says comic Argus Hamilton: “The weather isn’t crisp or wintry, it’s always the same. We only know Christmas is coming when the ACLU files its first Nativity scene lawsuit.”

An oil field has been discovered beneath Windsor castle in England. Premiere Radio’s Morning Sickness reports that the “Royal Family immediately put the Queen in a rocking chair, loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly . . . Hills, that is.”

Comedy writer Bob Mills, on actor James Garner running down a pedestrian while filming a movie scene in L. A.: “Three actors rehearsing to play lawyers in another scene instinctively handed the victim their business cards.”

Comedy writer Bruce Bellingham, on “Melrose Place” tackling tough political issues: “Next week, Amanda and Dr. Burns have a violent argument about Proposition 187 and Amanda, in protest, sends her green card back to American Express.”

Peyser, on new analysis of 53-year-old photos that suggest a Japanese submarine helped sink one or more U. S. ships at Pearl Harbor: “There are also rumors the vessel didn’t act alone, which has given rise to a ‘second sub’ theory.”

Comedy writer Leslie Coogan, on the man Howard Stern prevented from jumping off a bridge by telling him that he would miss Stern’s upcoming movie if he committed suicide: “It’s kind of ironic. The man lived so he can watch Stern die--at the box office.”

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While reader Sandra Smith of Anaheim Hills baby-sat her granddaughter Sarah, 3, they watched “Snow White” on video. “Here comes the Prince,” Smith said, when Snow White appears to be dead.

Sarah nodded knowingly: “Yes, that’s charming.”