Family Night by Decree : Fillmore: Some parents say officials’ declaration has helped their households bond. But a few critics feel the city is meddling.

Six months ago, members of the Gurrola family in Fillmore went their separate ways on Monday evenings. Amy Gurrola did house chores, her husband, Tim, pored over paperwork and their four children watched the tube.

*

But in October, the Fillmore City Council took an unusual stand.

Worried that society is crumbling fast and determined to do something about it, the City Council declared that Sunday evenings henceforth would be “Family Nights” in the little farm town of 13,000 people.

Those who cannot make Sunday evenings their family nights were encouraged to pick another night and spend it with their families.

And since that time, life just hasn’t been quite the same for the Gurrolas and other families like them who have decided to change their routines.

As the clock hits 7 p.m. on Mondays, the Gurrolas gather around the dining table for a meal. Afterward, they sit in the spacious family room where they talk for 1 1/2 hours.

They discuss what is happening in the lives of each individual family member, addressing issues from school and homework to ethics and religion.

During that time, no one is allowed to answer the phone or turn on the TV, and guests are not welcome.

“It’s a time for us. It’s when we communicate in an intimate way with each other,” said Tim Gurrola.

Gurrola said his family got the idea from the city declaration--admittedly an unlikely source of inspiration. Yet it has turned out to be one of the best things his family has ever done. “I feel closer to my family and I feel that my kids understand me better.”

*

The Gurrolas are not alone. Other families have also embraced the family night ritual.

“It has felt so good to have a family night that we try to meet twice a week,” said Cynthia Enriquez, mother of three children ages 8 to 14. “Spending quality time with my children--talking without interruptions and focusing on them, has made a great difference in our lives.”

Although popular among dozens of Fillmore families, the concept of a family night has not been universally accepted.

Some residents said they were not aware about the city’s decision, while others believe that it was the wrong step for city to take.

“I never heard about it and even if I had, I don’t know how I could take a day just for my family,” said Dixie Uribe, the single parent of two teen-age girls. “I’ve a family to support and that sure is a priority.”

The Rev. Robert Maxwell, of First Baptist Church on 1st Street, disapproves of civic leaders interfering in family matters.

“I don’t know how they can do something like that,” Maxwell said, adding that his congregation of 90 members meets on Sunday evenings. “I don’t think it’s the role of the city to tell us what to do. I think that should be left to the church and the family.”

*

But City Councilman Escott Lee said the council’s declaration only mirrors the character of the rural-based community.

“Fillmore is one of the last cities in America where everything revolves around the family. Everyone knows everyone else and we feel like a big family,” said Lee who has lived in Fillmore for 33 years. “We don’t want to tell people what to do, but I think our decision only reflects the feelings of the community.”

This is not the first time though that a group has tried to increase family interaction.

Parents and teachers at the Summit Elementary School, located between Ojai and Santa Paula, sponsored in 1993, a “No TV-a-thon,” in which students volunteered to refrain from television viewing four nights a week for five weeks.

The program was geared toward increasing the time families spent together and tear youngsters from the tube.

In Fillmore, the idea of a citywide “Family Night” was suggested to the council by Mayor Linda Brewester, a member of the local Optimist Club.

After working with local youth since 1991, sponsoring activities such as games, tournaments and trips, members of the club were concerned about the declining of the family, Brewester said.

“Our motto is ‘friends of youth,’ and we’re worried that the unity of the family is breaking down. Kids were being left without guidance and without the emotional support they need,” Brewester said. “To prevent the breakdown of families we are asking the community to set aside a family day and spend as much time together as possible.”

*

In their declaration the council members wrote:

“The City Council of the City of Fillmore has a vital interest in encouraging the building of strong home and family values. . . . The most important work we will ever do will be done within the walls of our own homes; no success can compensate for failure in our families.”

They requested that families set aside Sunday evenings as “Family Nights” to “discuss family values and heritage, plan and coordinate family activities, encourage the development of sound moral and ethical principles, establish principles of unconditional love within the family, build self-esteem among children and teach principles of personal service.”

After making a unanimous proclamation, the council contacted local churches urging them to ask their members to make Sunday evenings “Family Night” and asked clubs and organizations to avoid scheduling any activities on Sunday evenings.

“People throughout the community received the idea really well,” said Brewester. “But how could anybody oppose the unity of the family? If we have united families, we have an united community.”

City Councilman Roger Campbell agrees with Brewester.

“I think that government needs to do everything it can to bolster the family in every aspect possible,” Campbell said. “That’s very important to the community.”

Likewise, Councilman Don Gunderson believes the community will be better off if families set time aside just for them.

“We hope to create a supportive environment for kids and help them to counteract the temptation of becoming involved in gangs,” Gunderson said. “We are trying to make life easier and better for them.”

*

Although many families are following the city’s recommendations, others like the Gurrolas, chose evenings during the week.

“Monday evenings were the best time for all of us to be together,” said Amy Gurrola, adding that her husband, an electronic engineer for Point Mugu, works about 10 hours a day and she provides child-care service at her home. “With six people in the family it was very hard to pick a time.”

After choosing a time to meet, the Gurrolas set the rules.

“It was really important that we had rules and some sort of structure,” said Amy Gurrola. “We tried to spend time as a family before but it did not work because we had no structure and we were never home at the same time.”

When setting the rules, the Gurrolas decided that no interruptions are allowed during their family nights, everyone has to be home and each family member takes turn in picking the topic of conversation or an activity for the group.

But activities are restricted to events which allow the Gurrolas to talk--including games, school homework or individual projects.

Recently David, 11, asked his family to help him sort and put price tags on some of his 5,000 baseball cards. At another evening, his brother Anthony, 9, decided the family should play chess.

Sometimes not everyone wants to participate in the chosen activity.

“We emphasize that all of us take turns to choose what we want to do,” said Amy Gurrola, “and that they can’t back out just because it’s not what they want to do that evening.”

*

At the Escotos home though, where the entire day on Sunday is family day, the rules are simpler.

Mary Lou Escoto and her husband, Buddy, required that their eight children--ages 8 to 18--go to church with them and that they stay home for the rest of the day.

“In a world where everything is going against the unity of the family, it’s very hard to keep family members at home,” said Mary Escoto. “There are so many things out there that are more appealing to the kids than hanging around the house with their parents, it takes a lot to keep them at home.”

For other Fillmore residents though, making the time for a family day or evening is more difficult.

“I think the concept of having a time set aside only for the family is great, but who can do that?” asked Bill Cardona, father of four children. “Kids usually don’t want to do anything with their parents.”

With the kids and parents running in different directions, Cardona said he just gave a beeper to his 15-year-old son to help him keep in touch with him.

Thirty-year-old David Segovia said the only way to spend time with one of his four children is when he takes them to work with him at the family’s market on Main Street.

“We can’t afford to have a family day,” Segovia said. He and his wife work six days a week to save money to buy a house. “If we had time we would spend just with our kids, but at this point we need to think about not paying rent for ever.”

Kneeling on the top of the cashier counter at the Segovia’s market, 5-year-old David Jr. tucked groceries into bags, helping his father. Between customers the two talked.

“When I was growing up, we did not have a family day and no one in my family has gone berserk yet,” Segovia said. “So I don’t really think that it’s a priority.”