Swinging Grandfather Is Having His Fling With Fame

“O fficials in Costa Mesa, Calif., are investigating complaints--maybe you saw this in the news--(about a) 71-year-old grandfather who they claim has been holding all-night sex parties. . . . Do you think maybe those people who invented the Miracle Ear have moved on to other parts of the body now?”

From Jay Leno monologue Monday night on “The Tonight Show.”

I read the gag to Bill Goodwin, who hadn’t seen the show, and he laughs heartily. “Oh, how funny!” he says, and good thing, too, since he’s the 71-year-old grandfather Leno was talking about.

It’s been quite a week for Goodwin, transformed into a celebrity because of his unapologetic refusal to surrender to social convention.

As the media offers pour in, I ask Goodwin if he’s enjoying the attention. “I got to let it die,” he says, sounding like a guy who longs to return to the simple life of partner-swapping parties on Saturday nights. “Yesterday, I talked to the Geraldo show. They want to fly me out, the whole bit, with some swingers from here. And I really don’t want to be on a talk show. I haven’t told them yet whether I’ll do it. I told them I’ll put it on the burner. Did you hear me this morning on KMPC? And I’m going to be on a talk-radio show this afternoon. I wrote it down--with KABC 790. He begged me to go on at 3 o’clock.”

The beautiful irony of all this is that half of society is telling Goodwin he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing, while the other half can’t wait to talk to him about it. And all because he’s unapologetically discussed his sexual stamina and the parties at his house.

* “The guy said he would have sex with as many as four or five girls a night. He’s 71 years old. And you thought it was a big deal that your grandfather could still drive himself around.”

From Jay Leno monologue Tuesday night on “The Tonight Show.”

“The way I look at is, I can’t believe it,” Goodwin says of the attention. “Am I in a dream or what?”

Uh, Bill, this is no dream. That was a real police officer at your house Thursday morning.

“He came out, he looked everything over. He was wonderful,” Goodwin says. “The city is scratching their heads. They don’t know if this is a business or not. The officer said it doesn’t look like a business to him. I told him if I was going to have a business here, it wouldn’t be swinging. I’d be a carpenter or something.”

The city is responding to some neighbors’ complaints that Goodwin’s partner-swapping parties may be getting out of hand. What interests the rest of us, though, is that while we adhere to centuries of ingrained societal convention against swapping partners, Goodwin and his friends cavalierly sidestep such notions.

And even more intriguing, they don’t even think of themselves as getting away with anything. “Swingers are so great,” Goodwin says. “We never see a swinger cheat on each other, like infidelity or having a girlfriends on the side. We don’t need to cheat because we’re consensual.”

“We love our wives,” he says of his friends. “You couldn’t split us up with a stick of dynamite. We don’t swing every night, just once a month or so. We do more than just have sex. We go places, travel around, go on vacations, go to dinner with other couples. It’s just like a regular life; the only thing is that before the evening is over, we trade sex partners.”

* “And, finally, another story that’s been in the paper all week. This is like a huge scandal out here in California. . . . It seems the parties are getting out of hand, the neighbors were complaining. You know what that means--those liver spots you see on Grandma’s neck might just be hickeys.”

From Jay Leno monologue Wednesday night on “The Tonight Show.”

“In a way, I think I’m doing good for the swingers,” Goodwin says about the notoriety.

He had to go, so I thanked him for his time.

“Is this going in the paper?” he wanted to know.

Probably, I say.

“OK, as long as it’s positive and not negative stuff,” he says.

Not to worry, Bill. This will all blow over soon, and your life will return to normal.

Normal--now there’s a conversation starter.

Whoever defined that term, anyway?

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.