Mothers of Invention Beat Boredom : Lifestyles: Stay-home moms with preschoolers redefine themselves with the help of a burgeoning nationwide peer group. A little stroller racing adds an element of fun.
Motherhood can get lonely. That’s what Mary B. James discovered when she landed in a new town with a baby, no friends and a husband at the office all day.
But instead of sending the toddler to day care and consoling herself with “All My Children” on television, the newcomer took action.
She posted announcements in supermarkets and playgrounds with a simple message: Stay-at-home moms don’t have to be alone. Come join the MOMS Club.
The response was encouraging. A dozen mothers showed up for the first meeting in Simi Valley. Then 30, then 50.
Each week they saw movies, went to the park, made arts and crafts--anything to get the moms and kids together.
Since the founding of the first MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support) Club in Simi Valley 13 years ago, the group has grown into a national organization with more than 200 chapters in 30 states.
James’ original group grew so large--with more than 150 mothers--that it was recently divided in two.
What mothers seem to enjoy, James said, is that the clubs provide a support network in the often-trying years before their children reach school age.
Each MOMS Club chapter tailors its activities to meet the needs of members. Some focus on social interaction, while others bring in speakers to talk about health and child rearing. Baby-sitting, moms’ night out and service projects, such as fund-raisers to give to money to victims of the Oklahoma bombing, are popular among the clubs.
“When our mothers were young they could just push a stroller down the street and meet people,” said James. “Now you do that and all you see are a lot of empty driveways.”
Lorraine Edmonson faced that problem when she and her husband moved to Ventura with their 3-year-old daughter, Ashley.
Edmonson, who works the night shift as a nurse, spent her days caring for family. “I had no social life,” she said.
Now Edmonson volunteers as the entertainment director for the Ventura MOMS Club, arranging pizza-making adventures, tours of police and fire stations, even a trip to the post office and a ride in a mail truck.
“It has made such an enormous difference in my life,” she said. “I am really grateful.”
On a recent morning, Edmonson and a dozen other mothers brought their children to Camino Real Park in Ventura for play, lunch and frequently interrupted conversation.
Children ran for the slides and the sandy playground jungle gym while mothers spread blankets under a nearby tree. A purple, hand-sewn banner hung from its branches, proudly bearing the MOMS Club name.
What would happen if a stay-at-home dad asked to join? Member Chris Polhemus thought for a moment and shrugged. “If a guy wanted to join, I’d say sure,” she said. “It’s for anybody in this situation. We don’t just sit around talking about PMS.”
Yvonne Borquist agreed, saying the club should be open to anyone who spends the bulk of one’s time caring for one’s children.
“Sometimes you’ll meet people who think just because you stay at home with your kids that you have an easy life,” said Borquist, who joined the club after the birth of her son Ryan, now 4 years old. “Well, this is the hardest job I’ve ever had. It is very rewarding, but it demands a lot of energy.”
Energetic moms abounded that day: pushing squeaky swings, scooping up wobbly-kneed toddlers, scooting wandering babies back into the sandbox.
Celine Collins kept a watchful eye on her sons, 4-year-old Peter and 18-month-old Alexander, as she explained her appreciation for the organization.
Collins said the club helped her cope when she quit her full-time job managing a lamp store to care for her children. And when Collins decided to breast feed, she turned to other club members for advice.
“It was a difficult transition, to go from that kind of job to taking care of these teeny babies,” she said. “The club was this built-in support that I really relied on.”
Just then, Collins’ baby-watching radar kicked in. Peter was feeding sand to an enthusiastic Alexander.
Collins dashed to the sandbox, scooped up the sand-covered baby and calmly returned to the blanket. The other mothers clucked and nodded. Ah yes, the sand-eating phase, they said, as Cooper pried open Alexander’s mouth and began extracting the tiny grains.
An angelic-looking Peter observed the operation and launched into a pleading, sing-song chant. “Mom I want some water . . . momiwantsomewater . . . momiwantsomewater.”
“Sometimes you just want to make sure what you and your kids are going through is normal,” Collins said as she handed Peter a fruit juice drink. “It’s a relief to know that it usually is.”
Such accounts are music to Mary James’ ears. She runs the national operation from a sunny office in her Simi Valley home, the computer table and walls loaded with MOMS Club mementos.
Her prized possession: a fat, cloth-covered album she received on the club’s 10th anniversary. The book is loaded with letters of appreciation and photos from MOMS club members all over the country.
“Sometimes I wonder who these people are, if the club is working, if they are enjoying it,” James said. “I just look at this book and I know it is a success.”
Sitting in the quiet shade of her back yard, James said it has been years since the club helped her cope with rearing daughters Kathy, now 15, and Jenny, 12.
Both daughters have fond memories of the MOMS Club, especially the MOMS Club Olympics. They giggled as they recounted watching their mother compete in a range of entertaining events, including stroller racing and speed baby feeding, where James played the baby.
The most memorable event, they said, was the one where mom had to fish a marble out of a bowl of cold oatmeal.
In other words, James said, “We did all the things you get really good at when you’re a mom.”
Now that her daughters are older, they help James keep the club going, filing papers and answering the frequently ringing phone.
“It’s a full-time job, except you don’t get paid for it,” James said.
Members pay just $20 a year, which covers postage and printing for a monthly newsletter.
When she is not working on club business, James tries to sneak in a little time for her novel-in-progress, a fantasy tale of swords and sorcerers.
But as the MOMS Club continues to grow, James finds that she has little spare time for her writing.
“The MOMS Club seems to take every spare minute I have,” she said. “In a way it’s almost like having another child.”
More to Read
Sign up for Essential California
The most important California stories and recommendations in your inbox every morning.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Los Angeles Times.