Doctor’s Remedy Is Right Answer

Dear Doctor M.D.:

I demand a retraction. Your paper reported that Eddie Murphy has 3,000 hits. He hasn’t had one since the first “Beverly Hills Cop.” Get your facts straight.

--DUSTY FROM BAKERSFIELD

Murray. Eddie Murray. *

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Which films are now playing at the new Magic Johnson Theater?

--WHITNEY FROM HOUSTON

“Once Upon a Time in the West.” “Sneakers.” “To Have and Have Not.” “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” “Misery.” “Here Comes Mr. Jordan.”

*

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Why all this fuss over Dennis Rodman giving somebody Hermes? They make beautiful scarves. I gave my wife two.

--JOHN FROM DENVER

And when you get a scarf from Dennis Rodman, it changes color every day.

*

Dear Doctor M.D.:

So, who can you see representing the Dodgers on the 1996 All-Star team?

--JIM FROM ROCKFORD

Eight Japanese rookies.

*

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Where does Dwight Gooden hope to be joining Steve Howe and Darryl Strawberry next season?

--GEORGE

FROM WASHINGTON

At the crackhouse that Ruth built.

*

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Please list the people who never want to play in Los Angeles again.

--CHUCK FROM KNOXVILLE

Al Davis, Georgia Frontiere and Hugh Grant. *

Dear Doctor M.D.:

What is the real reason that George Foreman gave up his IBF heavyweight belt?

--JOE FROM ST. LOUIS

Didn’t fit. *

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Any advice you would like to give Sterling Sharpe from the Green Bay Packers now that ESPN has hired him to be a broadcaster?

--OSCAR FROM MADISON

No comment. Get away from me. And get that microphone out of my face. You media people, I hate you.

*

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Could you please tell me the plot of “Apollo 13?”

--ED FROM HARRISBURG

OK, so Rocky thinks he’s dead. But he’s not. Creed only pretended to die until Balboa retired from the ring. Now in their 60s, both men come out of retirement suffering from considerable brain damage after 12 movies. They stage a fight at a community for senior citizens in Florida.

*

Dear Doctor M.D.:

Has that high school kid, Kevin Garnett, gotten any endorsements yet since being chosen in the NBA draft?

--PEARL FROM MINNEAPOLIS

Two. Nintendo and Clearasil. *

Dear Doctor M.D.:

What problem would Pat Riley have coaching the Miami Heat that he never had coaching the Lakers or Knicks?

--TONY FROM ORLANDO

Well, for one thing, Pat could name five Lakers or Knicks.