Now They Can Call Schott a Paper Pincher

Marge Schott, the unpredictable owner of the Cincinnati Reds, recently loosened her purse strings and spent $1.043 million to acquire David Wells, Mark Portugal, Darren Lewis and Dave Burba for the National League pennant race. Her next move was to order the public relations staff to reduce the team’s press notes from four pages to one to save on paper.

Columnist Paul Daugherty of the Cleveland Enquirer figured it out that the Reds will save $112.50 per season, giving them 9,271 years to recoup the money Marge invested in her four new players.

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Trivia time: Who holds the major league record for most games pitched in one season?

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Remembering Bill: Sen. Bill Bradley of New Jersey, who announced last week that he will not seek reelection, will be sorely missed at the Saturday morning pickup basketball games involving a group of Washington reporters and congressional staffers.

“The amazing thing about Bradley . . . was the ability to just make passes that no one else would see,” said Mike McCurry, the White House press secretary, of the former New York Knick star. “He would flick the ball, and it would get in your hands, and you wouldn’t know how it got there.”

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Have a chuckle: Among “Golf’s Most Outrageous Quotes,” as compiled by Bruce Nash and Allan Zullo, are the following:

“The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.”--George Deukemejian, former governor of California.

“If there’s a golf course in heaven, I hope it’s like Augusta National. I just don’t want an early tee time.”--Gary Player.

“I’ll take a two-shot penalty, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to play the ball where it lies.”--LPGA player Elaine Johnson after her shot hit a tree and rebounded into her bra.

“Golf giveth and golf taketh away, but it taketh away a hell of a lot more than it giveth.”--Senior pro Simon Hobday.

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Pot and kettle: San Francisco 49er General Manager Dwight Clark should have known better when he said, after the Miami Dolphins outbid the 49ers for Steve Emtman, “They’re trying to buy the Super Bowl.”

It was only last year that the 49ers picked up Rickey Jackson, Gary Plummer and Deion Sanders through free agency to help them become the first team to win five Super Bowls.

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Better than Rosanne: Edna Lucas, a 95-year-old great-great grandmother from La Mesa, had taken hot-air balloon rides on her 85th and 90th birthdays, so when one for her 95th birthday was canceled because the company went out of business, her family scurried to find her a replacement present.

The result: Edna sang the national anthem before a San Diego Padre game at Jack Murphy Stadium. Wearing red, white and blue, she even threw out the first ball and said she wasn’t the least bit nervous.

“It was thrilling,” she said.

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Tiger first: Kirk Gibson, who retired last week, says his “greatest moments in baseball” were winning two world championship rings--in 1984 with the Detroit Tigers and 1988 with the Dodgers. The one in 1984 was “more special,” he said.

“We grew up together. We learned together. In 1984, we did what we set out to do. So really in a true sense, that’s probably the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done,” he said.

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Trivia answer: Mike Marshall of the Dodgers, 106 games in 1974.

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Quotebook: Defensive end Burt Grossman of the 49ers, on former San Diego Charger teammate Leslie O’Neal: “He’s different. You don’t ever really get to know him. You just get to the point where you tolerate him. I don’t know that you ever understand him, either. I never really wanted to.”