IN PERSON : Cultural Respect for Elders Goes Beyond Home

SEAL BEACH —  At 49, Harbir (Bill) Narang has spent much of his life contemplating what it means to be old.

As a child in India, he grew up in a house with three generations under one roof, in a culture that reveres its elderly. As a grown son, Narang and his wife share their home with his mother. And as administrator of Seal Beach Leisure World for the past 10 years, he makes his livelihood by managing the daily affairs of residents who on average are 30 years his senior.

“I have used my cultural background to my advantage,” says Narang, who was born in Rawalpindi, the formerly British Indian city that is now a part of Pakistan. “Where I grew up, they always taught us that you are to take care of your elders, that you are to respect your elders and you must have compassion for your parents and grandparents.

“I have always taken care of my mom and dad.”

He brought both parents over to the United States soon after graduating from college 24 years ago. His father died in 1986. “My mom is 70 years old and she is part of that house. She is the Queen Mother of my house.”

In this country, Narang says, the emphasis is on independence, a cultural difference that has led to the creation of communities such as Leisure World, where the elderly can live on their own.

“In my culture, the first choice and preference is that you want to be with your children. My parents took care of their parents.”

Narang says his children’s daily contact with their grandparents was an essential part of their upbringing, giving them an understanding instead of a stereotype of the elderly. “My children have been so fabulously blessed because they have had grandparents to grow up with.

“I believe that trend is on the upswing here, but often there is not that same expectation.” Two-career couples can be too busy or incapable of taking care of elderly relatives, who in turn do not want to be a burden to their children, he said.

Even within this culture of independence, Narang says, the definition of being old is continually changing.

“Ten years ago, this community wanted a certain environment for themselves. The new people who are coming in are certainly looking for different things,” Narang says, driving through streets abuzz with residents walking, bicycling, driving battery-powered carts and crowding a nine-hole golf course.

Many of the community’s 8,700 residents are physically, socially and politically active. They have formed dozens of clubs organized around hobbies, health, religion and politics. Two residents sit on the Seal Beach City Council.

“If the city of Seal Beach is going to consider a new tax, you can bet these people are going to mobilize,” Narang says. “If the county of Orange is going to approve a new project within city boundaries, they will be concerned about traffic and they will take part in the debate.”

In a community where the average age is 79, Narang says one of the most common requests from new residents is for exercise equipment.

“The newer people who are coming in want more activities,” says Narang. “They take part in the Kiwanis Club, the Lions Club. They volunteer in local schools. They are concerned about what is happening with violence and the younger generation and drugs. They are in touch with the policy-making issues of government, and they do have the clout to make a difference.”

Money and health care issues rank at the top of seniors’ concerns, Narang says.

“The most important issue to many seniors is affordability. If they are on retirement income, they are wondering how they are going to keep up with the expenses. With health care, they are also concerned about how much it is going to cost them.”

Narang says the independence that seniors seek is bolstered by the growing availability of home health-care services.

“A few years ago, if somebody became ill and they were not able to take care of themselves, they would probably move into a convalescent home or move in with their family. Changes in the laws are making communities such as ours provide a higher level of service for people who may not be fully able to take care of themselves. Instead of moving out, they can now get the care they need in their homes.”

With a growing acceptance of underage spouses in Leisure World, usually women, along with a steady increase in the age of women who become pregnant, Narang says the day could arrive when there are children living in the retirement community.

“How could you separate the mother and the father from the baby?” Narang says. “That has never happened, but now women are having children at older ages. When it comes, the people who live here will have to make that decision. They will say either, ‘OK, let them live here,’ or they will send them a notice to leave.”

Aware that he is only six years away from meeting the minimum age requirement for Leisure World residency, Narang says he would have no hesitations about living in such a community, where being old does not mean losing independence.

“This community offers freedom to do whatever you want to do, without having to be dependent on anybody,” Narang says. “Freedom is what people want, not restriction. They want to control their destiny.”

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Profile: Harbir (Bill) Narang

Age: 49

Residence: Northridge

Education: Accounting degree, University of Delhi (India), 1969; MBA, Woodbury College, 1971

Family: Wife, Sushil, and three children ages 16, 18 and 22

Background: Worked nine years for Federal National Mortgage Assn. (Fannie Mae) before becoming partner in 1979 with company that manages Seal Beach Leisure World

At Leisure World: Became administrator in 1985

Respect for elders: “I have used my cultural background to my advantage. Where I grew up, they always taught us that you are to take care of your elders, that you are to respect your elders and you must have compassion for your parents and grandparents.”

Source: Harbir Narang; Researched by RUSS LOAR/For The Times