Shut It Down; Shut It All Down

Out here in California, the shutdown of the federal government feels more than a little familiar. This is a state that has made the collapse of the budget process a summertime phenomenon, like sunburns and fleas. This also is a state that has seen the government of its wealthiest county file for bankruptcy. Californians have learned from these experiences.

More than anything, they have learned that the realities of government collapse rarely match the doomsday rhetoric of the participants. The state IOUs issued a few years back scarred only the politicians who created the stalemate. Similarly, down in Orange County, few folks have yet to register any real-life pain as a result of Treasurer Bob Citron’s wonderful adventure on Wall Street.

The prediction here is that, for most Americans, the federal shutdown also will prove painless. As it stands now, the list of services to remain open is strikingly long--soldiers, letter carriers, social service workers, food inspectors, prison guards, judges, air traffic controllers. About the only things closed are passport offices and the Statue of Liberty. Eventually, the so-called train wreck will be seen as a mere fender-bender, reinforcing, once again, the general suspicion that government is as irrelevant as it is expensive.

Imagine, though, if they were to do it right. Imagine if Clinton and Gingrich and friends actually delivered what they threatened--a complete and honest shutdown of the government. Certainly it would make the impasse seem both real and dramatic. Moreover, it would put to a test the great underlying question in American politics today: How much government, if any, is needed? You say you want a devolution? Here’s a chance to take the notion on a test drive. Shut it down. Shut it all down.

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Shut down the Pentagon? You bet. Americans seemed to lose interest in the superpower game once the defeat of Iraqis provided, 20 years late, a sort of happy ending for the Vietnam War. We no longer have any enemies worth shooting at, and the lesson of Bosnia for most Americans is that playing global cop isn’t much fun anymore. What better time to send home the troops--and the missile contractors? Shut it down.

Shut down the Border Patrol? Why not? Some immigration scholars theorize that a completely open border would not alter current traffic patterns all that much. They maintain that just about everybody who wants to cross and work in El Norte already does so anyway, and that higher fences produce only higher fees from the coyotes who assist in the crossings. If they’re right, we could save bundles. So let’s try it.

Shut down the federal prisons? Remember, murderers and rapists are detained in state prisons. Federal penitentiaries are filled with narcotics dealers. Turning them loose would force the nation to end the failed War on Drugs and pursue a course that many judges and social scientists claim is inevitable--the decriminalization of narcotics. Usage might go up, but the carnage and criminality associated with the drug trade would stop.

Shut down the IRS? (No elaboration needed.)

Shut down the social services? Of course. The most cherished opinion of the talk show nation is that America has failed because American families have failed. This deserves a test. So shut down Medicare and food stamp programs and everything else. Force grandma and grandpa to take a bed in the attic. Move single mothers and kids back in with the folks. Let everyone live like the Waltons lived. In-laws and out-laws. Five to a bed. Cozy. Are we feeling familial yet?

And welfare, too? Yessir. Let ‘em work. That’s the national sentiment. Just what work, exactly, they are supposed to do in these days of downsizing is unclear. Something about pulling a wagon. . . .

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The list goes on. From environmental protections to cotton subsidies to workplace regulations--everybody has got a beef with some element of the big, bad federal government. Well, here’s a chance to make their case. Same with the political parties. The Republican position, taken to the extreme, is that no government is the best government. The Democrats counter that government is a glue that helps hold the nation together. Let’s see which side is right.

A true test requires a full shutdown, not a little circus of symbolism. It might get messy. Some states might backslide toward segregation. Others might start peddling natural treasures to strip miners and toxic dumpers. And it’s tough to envision any advantage in eliminating air traffic controllers.

Perhaps, though, as jetliners begin to play bumper cars in the sky, hurtling passengers at least could spend their final seconds taking comfort in the fact that they would go down as patriots, casualties in a bold attempt to take back America, etc. etc. etc. Thud.

Anyway, it was just a thought.