Punchlines

Bowled over: The Dallas Cowboys beat the Pittsburg Steelers in the Super Bowl on Sunday.

* “Afterward, Barry Switzer gave a special dinner just for the Dallas sportswriters. It was catered by Kentucky Fried Crow.” (Argus Hamilton)

* “When Dallas jumped out in front 13-0, it looked like another Super Bowl repeat. Having a Michael Jackson look-alike do the halftime show didn’t help.” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

* “It was just like the good old days, when Roger Staubach was king and Terry Bradshaw had hair.” (Kenny Noble)

* “For the first time, the Super Bowl was broadcast in the Navajo language. Guess which team they rooted against?” (Cutler)

* “The MVP trophy was thrown to Larry Brown by Neil O’Donnell.” (Joe Vogel)

* “It’s all over: The butting of heads. The clashing of titans. The blood, the guts, the dirt, the grime. Hillary Clinton has finished talking to the grand jury.” (Alan Ray)

*

Also in the news: The first lady told the grand jury that finding those missing documents after two years was an accident. “Apparently they were under Al Gore. We really should move him more often.” (Premiere Morning Sickness)

A group of female workers is suing Home Depot over alleged discrimination in promotions. Ray says it’s difficult for anyone in that organization to climb up: “Its corporate ladder is on wheels.”

Despite massive restructuring, Apple says the computer company is still strong. But Tony Peyser is a little worried. “The old logo was an Apple with a bite out of it. The new one is just a slice.”

A 5-year-old boy in Buffalo, N.Y., was suspended from his kindergarten class for leaving school without permission. Says Bill Williams, “When found, he claimed he was just trying to increase the value of his class by downsizing.”

French doctors have determined that driving for three hours every day can lower a man’s sperm count. Says Jimmy McConnell, “Ironically, many men buy Corvettes to correct that problem.”

*

Reappearing act: Magic Johnson will unretire yet again to play in tonight’s Lakers game.

* “They’re going to need more than Magic. They’re going to need Siegfried, Roy and David Copperfield.” (Steve Tatham)

* “You gotta hand it to him. Magic’s made more comebacks than a U-Haul trailer.” (Noble)

* “He says he wants his 3-year-old son to see him play. Magic got jealous when the kid’s first word was ‘Shaquille.’ ”

*

Long Beach reader Lisa Ramelow’s daughter, Hannah, 5, recently had dinner with her baby sitter’s family. The conversation turned to the family dog, Yeller, who had been treated at a dog hospital for a broken leg. Hannah wanted to know, “Was everybody in the dog hospital a dog?” Yes, she was told. In a minute, Hannah had one more question:

“Were all the doctors dogs too?”