No more Mr. Nice Columnist:A while back,...

No more Mr. Nice Columnist:

A while back, an elderly L.A. woman accidentally dropped her dentures down the toilet. When she reached down to grab them, her hand became stuck and her husband had to phone the Fire Department. “We were able to save her hand but not her dentures,” Capt. David Grijalva said.

Guilty over the prospect of having fun at the woman’s expense, we decided not to publish the item.

Soon afterward, she was a guest on the “Tonight” show with Jay Leno.

Only in L.A.’s columnist had forgotten that this is . . . L.A.

UNOFFICIAL ECONOMIC INDICATORS: John Yozzo noticed a company whose name, unfortunately, was not prophetic (see photo).

BUT WILL GERALDO BE THE HOST? The AMC network and Planet Hollywood are staging “Unlock the Memories of Marilyn Sweepstakes” to give away the contents of a “mystery trunk” owned by Marilyn Monroe.

The wooden chest’s innards “remain a mystery to all but a few memorabilia experts and the AMC and Planet Hollywood staffers,” a press release assured the world.

Sorry, but you’ll have to wait until the April 11 drawing to learn more. In the meantime, let’s relive some other thrilling peeks:

* “The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vaults,” 1986, Channel 5: Host Geraldo Rivera filibustered for two hours before personally dynamiting the basement of an old Chicago hotel. The treasure: Some debris and a few liquor bottles. One critic said that Prohibition should be reinstituted--but this time only Geraldo would be banned.

* “The Return to the Titanic . . . Live,” 1987, Channel 5: Host Telly Savalas opened a safe that contained some gold coins and pendants. The producers later denied a report that the safe had been salted with the items after they were retrieved elsewhere from the wreckage.

* The opening of Rudy Vallee’s safe, 1987, not televised: A safe-cracker to the stars (other credits: Alfred Hitchcock and John Wayne) unlocked a 4-foot-tall vault belonging to the late singer. As it opened, publicist Chris Harris shouted: “Here’s one of his wives!” It was just a photo, though.

* “The Hunt for Stolen War Treasures . . . Live,” 1989, Channel 9: Host Michael York hinted that the “lost crates of Lake Wolfgang” in Austria would hold assorted art treasures stolen by the Nazis. Instead, Wolfgang yielded mostly artillery shells.

By the way, there’s a true Hollywood twist to the Monroe trunk. It was the one she packed when she left husband Arthur Miller. Memories . . .

WE KNEW THEIR NAMES WOULD BE LINKED SOME DAY: During President Clinton’s stay at the Sheraton Miramar in Santa Monica, a Times reporter in the hotel ran into . . . guess who? Heidi Fleiss!

Fleiss mumbled something about being “a reporter these days.” Asked for more details, she admitted she was “just here to meet someone.”

A reporter jokingly asked if she was referring to Clinton?

“Oh, is he here?” she asked with a smile.

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Pasadena magazine reveals that the stops on the tour “Hollywood Comes to Altadena” include “the California bungalow that stands in as Dylan’s house in [TV’s] ‘Beverly Hills, 90210.’ ” Guess the show’s producers couldn’t find a house that was nice enough in Beverly Hills.