A JOB APPLICANT WITH LIMITED EXPERIENCE: A...

A JOB APPLICANT WITH LIMITED EXPERIENCE: A young lady with “sort of a Russian accent” filled out an application for a waitressing job at the Formosa Cafe in Hollywood. After she left, bartender Chris Ausbon scanned the form. All seemed in order until Ausbon got to the box marked “sex.” Instead of the standard “male” or “female” response, the young woman had written: “virgin.”

I’M YOUR WAITER AND MY NAME IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS: At Musso and Frank, the Hollywood landmark, diners seem to take a perverse delight in the occasional gruffness of the waiters.

Dean Hansell of L.A. recalled the time a waiter brought him a Caesar salad and asked if he wanted fresh pepper.

“I replied, ‘Yes,’ ” said Hansell, “whereupon he grabbed the pepper shaker on my table and proceeded to shake pepper on my salad.”

Robert Light of Sherman Oaks once asked a passing waiter for the correct time. The waiter’s response: “That’s not my table.”

AN IDEA WHOSE TIME NEVER CAME: In the early 1980s, the J.R. Grace Restaurant Co. placed American and Chinese restaurants side by side. Their names: Reuben’s and Woo-Ben’s. Woo Ben’s soon folded.

G-RATED RESTAURANT: At the Genghis Cohen restaurant in the Fairfax area, a footnote was added to the usual warning about alcoholic beverages causing birth defects during pregnancy. It read: “Please refrain from any acts that may cause pregnancy while on the premises.”

OK, MAYBE THEY CAN BE A BIT CRABBY: After Zsa Zsa Gabor was convicted of slapping a Beverly Hills police officer who pulled over her Rolls-Royce, a Melrose Avenue restaurant saluted her and a fellow defendant, New York hotel queen Leona Helmsley. The restaurant created a dish featuring two varieties of shellfish bound together by tiny handcuffs: Lobster Zsa and Lobster Leona.

HISTORIC MERGER: Author Gloria Ricci Lothrop wrote: “In 1935, Art Elkind sold both hot dogs and chili from his pushcart in Inglewood. When someone suggested that he place the chili atop, the chili dog was created.”

CAN YOU BE MORE PRECISE? A sign at the front of Clifton’s cafeteria downtown reads: “It takes about 11 minutes from this point to be served and reach the cashier.”

SHE DIDN’T DARE ASK ABOUT MENU SUBSTITUTES: Pondering the menu in a West L.A. deli, Toni Sparano idly asked the waitress whether she should have the home fries or the tomatoes with her scrambled eggs.

Snapped the waitress: “I can’t manage your life for you.”

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Tommy’s Original World Famous Hamburgers, which opened its first stand half a century ago on Beverly Boulevard, has spawned many imitators (Tammy, Tonnie, Tommie, etc.). So many, in fact, that founder Tommy Koulax successfully pursued more than 20 lawsuits to protect the eatery’s name. Even Koulax tried to imitate his own success. He opened a Mexican restaurant--Tomasito’s--which later folded.