She Thinks Clinton’s Plan Is a Drag

Outspoken Marge Schott, owner of the Cincinnati Reds and a chain smoker, thinks the federal government ought to butt out of the issue of teen smoking.

In an interview with a Denver radio station, Schott said authorities should “concentrate on crack, dope, knives and guns.”

“If I had a child, not that you want kids to smoke, I think rather than drugs, I’d rather see them smoke,” she said. “We smoked a peace pipe with the Indians, right?”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for safeties?

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Under the microscope: Quarterback Neil O’Donnell, who signed a $25-million, five-year contract with the New York Jets, doesn’t know what he’s in for, former Jet quarterback Boomer Esiason warned.

Esiason used to drive cars with tinted windows so he wouldn’t be recognized by fans.

After a loss to the Miami Dolphins two years ago, Esiason, stuck in traffic at the Lincoln Tunnel, got out of his car to help a woman involved in a fender-bender. Not only was he grilled by the woman about the interceptions he’d thrown in the game, he was booed and cursed by motorists in the jam.

“The biggest problem isn’t so much dealing with the media,” Esiason said. “It’s . . . your family and friends that don’t deal with it properly. They’re the ones who listen to the radio and get all bent out of shape about what [talk-show hosts] are saying.

“If they get upset, they call you and say, ‘Do you realize what these guys are saying?’ Before you know it, you have 50 people calling, telling you about what’s going on around you, when you’re trying to focus on the game.”

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Bad omen: Coach Barry Switzer got lost on his way to the Dallas Cowboys’ 13th annual kickoff luncheon earlier this week.

“I turned south and should have gone north,” Switzer said.

Hmm. He did say he went south, didn’t he?

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Bowled over: Just what the world needs, another bowl game.

Air New Zealand will sponsor something called the Haka Bowl on Dec. 27 in Auckland.

Haka?

It’s an ancient Maori war party’s dramatic war dance performed in preparation for battle. The first NCAA-certified international bowl game to be played outside the United States will match the Pacific 10 Conference’s third-place finisher against an at-large team.

That’s worth dancing about?

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Trivia answer: Former Oakland Raider Ted Hendricks and former Detroit Lion Doug English with four.

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And finally: Miami Dolphin Coach Jimmy Johnson is no longer a heavyweight, having lost 25 pounds since taking over the team in January.

“I have to get accustomed to the 16-, 17-hour days again,” Johnson said of his return to coaching after two years as a TV studio analyst.