The Sharing Season

Charitable agencies experience a tidal wave of volunteers and donations of money, food and toys during the holidays. While appreciative, many report that the rest of the year can be a struggle.

But now can be a good time to show children how to give--of their possessions and their time. These stories suggest how to turn that post-holiday clutter of toys into a teachable moment and how families can help others and enrich their own lives by volunteering together.

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‘Twas the week after Christmas and all through the house there are, well, toys. Everywhere.

If, in addition, your kid has enough Happy Meal giveaways under her bed to start her own fast-food franchise, it may be time to do what professional organizers call “purging,” which is a ‘90s way of saying--to quote mom--”Clean your room.”

Parting with unused playthings may be tough for children, but there are ways to make the process not only less painful but even enlightening. Most important, say parents, is to give your kids a way to know that their toys will be loved after they’ve gone.

Karen Blyth, mother of three, donates her children’s old toys to the preschool where she works. “That way, they can come by and play with their old toys if they want to,” she says. “Or we’ll make a big event out of sorting out toys for a younger friend or relative so they still get to visit their old toys every once in a while.”

Another parent of a reluctant toy purger manages to get her daughter to sort through her things by not giving the toys away immediately, but instead placing the plaything-filled box into a kind of toy purgatory in the garage. After three months, if none of the toys has been pined for, the box is donated to the Salvation Army.

David Feinberg, director of outpatient services for UCLA’s Neuropsychiatric Institute and Hospital, child and adolescent psychologist, and father of two, suggests having children weed through the things they don’t play with anymore, box them up and have the whole family take them to a soup kitchen.

“It gives the kids a chance to see the results of their actions,” he says, adding that, if unsure where to donate used toys, parents may contact a synagogue or church or look in the phone book under community services.

Lynn Hayward, a photographer and mother of two, takes a similar approach. “We go camping in Mexico once a year and before we go, my son sorts through the toys he doesn’t play with anymore and we take them with us to give away in the village where we stay,” she says.

As for the sorting process itself, Marcy Roberts, an organizational consultant, has her clients remove everything from a room, only putting back what is actively enjoyed or needed. “You just can’t do this in little bits,” she advises. “You have to take everything out and then make a place for the things you intend to keep.”

Parents have to be willing to let the child give--even if it’s a toy more beloved by the parent than by the child. Hayward recalls the time when her son decided he had one Thomas the Train too many. “He wanted to give one to a friend, but this Thomas the Train was one of the first toys that he really played with,” she says. “He took that toy everywhere. You could even see the places worn down by his little fingers. I tried to talk him into keeping it--mostly, I realized, because I wanted it.”

But he wouldn’t change his mind so the friend got the toy. “We’re not just teaching about cleaning up a room; it’s about learning to give, not just to take,” Hayward says. “And you have to be willing to let kids do that.”

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Make Volunteer Work a Project for the Family

The following tips on how to choose and carry out a family volunteer project are from Louise Thoreson, vice president of charitable outreach activities at the Minneapolis-based national Lutheran Brotherhood.

* Schedule a family meeting to discuss voluntarism. If some family members are active in volunteer work, weigh the family’s interest in becoming involved as a group.

* Find a cause. If the family cares deeply about an organization’s mission, they are more likely to find their volunteer work rewarding. Ask family members to share the community problems that most concern them.

* Inventory skills. Itemize everything each family member knows how to do, from playing the piano to baby-sitting. This will create a list useful when interviewing a nonprofit agency and is an ideal way to acknowledge children’s special abilities.

* List wishes. Your family members may have unexplored activities they’d like to try. Volunteering often allows people to develop skills and knowledge.

* Narrow choices. Take a family vote to narrow the list of possible volunteer activities.

* Screen options. Appoint an adult to interview several organizations by phone. Be sure to ask whether the agency is comfortable having you volunteer as a family and if activities are appropriate for children. (Many organizations welcome children, but because some need to protect clients’ identities, children’s involvement is limited.)

* Test the water. Don’t jump into a long-term volunteer project before your family is ready. Start with a onetime activity.

* Honor your commitment. Once your family agrees to help with a project, keep your promise. This shows children that volunteer work is important and teaches them to follow through on their decisions.

* Celebrate. Hold an awards ceremony with small prizes to reward individual accomplishments.