A rotating panel of experts from the worlds of philosophy, psychology and religion offer their perspective on the dilemmas that come with living in Southern California.

Today’s question: How do you discipline yourself to practice the Golden Rule in the face of difficult people and situations in urban America? For example, how do you handle a stranger who curses you for politely asking him to lower the volume of the radio in his car parked in front of your home?

Herb Robinson, director, Munger Center for Psychological Services

Treating others well means first treating ourselves well. To have the resources to handle the irritations of urban life, we must start by attending to our own needs: getting rest, eating right and paying attention to our emotions. Additionally, we must choose our battles carefully. Some battles need to be fought but many don’t. Finally, I remind myself that because we tend to treat others as we treat ourselves, when I experience someone as difficult, I am getting a small taste of that person’s unhappy inner world. Sometimes this simply gives me vindictive satisfaction, but in my better moments, it gives me compassion for the silent suffering hidden in the hearts of so many people.

Miriyam Glazer, director, Dortort Writers Institute, University of Judaism, Los Angeles

In my first year in California after 11 years in the compression chamber of more volatile Israel, I exploded in anger at a bank manager for a presumed error in my account. I expected an equally explosive retort. Instead, she responded, “Thank you for sharing your opinion. I’ll look into it.” I was astounded--and impressed. Today, valuing goodwill in everyday life, when faced with another’s outburst, I try to listen, acknowledge my mistake, if any, and maintain the boundaries of my self well enough not to take it personally, or allow another’s state of mind to define mine. I think we all need to defuse--not recharge--expressions of emotional violence in our collective life.

Don Maddox, pastor, Church of the Valley, Apple Valley

Trying to shout down or verbally retaliate with a person who is cursing would only escalate the tension. I would like to think my attitude would be guided by the verse in Proverbs that states, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.” No one likes confrontation, but standing my ground, I would state my right not to have a radio blasting away and work for compromise.