Fathers Urge Dialogue, Healthy Parenting Skills

The youth were quick to defend: The lyrics don’t really degrade women. The lyrics only express reality. The lyrics are not the problem.

Then they heard from the heart of a father, whose love silenced every argument.

“Let’s be real honest with each other,” Michael Wynn, 41, told the audience. “The lyrics are affecting your mind and the way you live and the decisions you make. I’ve got an 18-year-old who can quote Tupac and Biggie Smalls, but he has problems with geometry. I got a problem with that.”

The audience applauded Wynn, and the adults encouraged him: “Tell the truth, talk brother.” And one young man even gave him a standing ovation: his son, 18-year-old Dunjae “D.J.” Wynn.

“I can truly say I have someone to look up to, a male figure in my life,” D.J. said after the discussion. “A man is someone who stands up for what he believes in.”

The discussion was part of the third national MAD DADS convention held Wednesday through Saturday at the Westin Hotel near Los Angeles International Airport. MAD DADS is an acronym for Men Against Destruction Defending Against Drugs and Social Disorder. Founded in 1989 in Omaha, Neb., the organization seeks to reclaim communities plagued by drugs and gangs and to foster male responsibility. Members often conduct street patrols.

“We know there’s no magic spell,” said national president Eddie F. Staton of Omaha. “This is going to take average moms and dads. It’s going to take organized groups of men and women all over this country to make a difference.”

But MAD DADS has an eye on the future, on the boys and girls who will be tomorrow’s men and women.

Young people are crucial to any efforts to move forward, Staton said. They are “ambassadors” who will return to their communities and complete the work the older generations failed to do.

“They’ve got to feel the hope that we feel,” he said. “They’ve got to see the vision we’ve seen. They’ve got to be able to pick up the gauntlet and take it forward.”

And dialogue--between fathers and sons, children and parents--is sorely needed, he said.

Underlying the convention’s workshop was a strong component encouraging dialogue and healthy approaches to parenting.

Wynn and his son attended “The Brad Sanders Show,” a talk show-styled workshop hosted by Sanders, a syndicated radio personality known for his “On the Phone with Tyrone” advice line.

“You have the children and the parents in a forum together, having dialogue for the purpose of learning from each other,” Sanders said. Youth discussed not only rap lyrics, but dating, sex and male/female relationships.

Headed by Kenneth Riley, the first Southern California chapter was started in 1996. Michael Wynn, a former vice president of the local organization, grew up in South Los Angeles. The father of three, who is also a mentor to Brandon, a 13-year-old boy, said he knows the formative power of a man’s presence in a boy’s life. His mentor was his father.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” he said. “Men teach boys how to be men.”

He became a mentor to Brandon through his church. A men’s group decided to reach out to women in the congregation raising boys alone.

“I’d be a fool to let this kid go to waste,” Wynn said of Brandon. “There’s always room for one more. There has to be for us as a people.”

So Wynn brought D.J. and Brandon to the convention hoping they would learn that there are other men like him, that he is not alone in his values and principles. He wants them to understand the necessity of this struggle and the value of unity.

Already there are signs that D.J. is learning these lessons, Wynn said.

He talks to Brandon all the time, he said with a smile, especially now that Brandon is starting high school and discovering girls.

D.J. tells Brandon things he has heard before--coming from the mouth of his father.

“I tell him to keep his head up,” D.J. said. “I tell him to stay on track, stay focused.”