PUNCH LINES

Kudos: “Tommy Lasorda is inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame,” says the Cutler Daily Scoop. “We’d give you excerpts from his speech, but he’s still talking.”

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Our Favorite Government Agency: The California Department of Motor Vehicles says as many as 250 employees may be involved in a phony driver’s license scandal. “Two hundred fifty employees? I didn’t know DMV even had 250 employees.” (Steve Voldseth.

* The DMV fired 24 workers, calling them rogue clerks. “You know what a rogue clerk is, don’t you?” asks Bill Williams. “He’s one who says, ‘You’re in the wrong line, but I’ll help you anyway.’ ”

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That Winning Attitude: Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf traded away his best pitchers and, although only three games out of first place, said, “Anyone who thinks this White Sox team will catch Cleveland is crazy.” “The most amazing thing is that somehow this idiot is a zillionaire.” (Daily Scoop)

* “More changes for the Sox. Reinsdorf announced the team will now be known as the Chicago White Flags.” (Brian J. Hill)

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In the News: A judge has refused to dismiss a lawsuit against Disney by a woman who says she was robbed in the parking lot and her grandchildren were traumatized by seeing Mickey, Minnie and Pluto taking off their false heads. “At least they missed Michael Eisner shoveling cash into the trunk of his car.” (Bob Mills)

Three executives of Columbia / HCA Healthcare Corp. have been charged with massive overbilling for Medicare patients and military dependents. “Lawyers for the trio insist that their clients aren’t liable since their greed was a preexisting condition not covered by larceny laws.” (Mills)

Hofstra University will host 50,000 academics at a three-day conference to examine the career of Frank Sinatra, says Mills. “Leading economists will decide once and for all just which corporation he is chairman of the board of.”

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In Flight: The Russian commander of Mir says he shouldn’t be blamed for the collision with the cargo ship that damaged the space station in June. Says Bill Williams: “He had his flight training at Continental and was lucky to even be at the right space station.”

Airlines have balked at the FAA suggestion that they fill empty fuel tanks with inert gas, says Williams. “I don’t know about the others, but that’s where American and Delta employees put their cocaine.”

* “Twelve Delta employees were indicted for smuggling cocaine,” says Jay Leno. “The passengers said they got suspicious when they noticed the in-flight movie was a Cheech and Chong film festival.”

Reader Keith Stevenson’s great-granddaughter Codi Rae Georges was riding her new bicycle with training wheels at her third birthday party when she got stuck in a corner.

“I think it needs a new battery,” she said.