A Case of Mistaken Identity for Police

A bus driver on Ventura Boulevard called a Metropolitan Transportation Authority dispatcher to report a passenger with “a Colt .45” in his waistband. Police boarded the bus and sure enough found a guy with a quart of Colt-45 malt liquor tucked in his pants.

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OUTDOOR COMPUTER VIRUS? A couple of years ago, Nancy Verellen took a shot of a computer company’s misspelled sign in Culver City (see photo). Digital has since straightened out its letters.

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LIST OF THE DAY: A traffic court study by USC researchers turned up these alibis from L.A. drivers protesting their infractions:

“I was driving a new Mercedes that was shipped from Europe. It doesn’t show your speed in miles per hour; it shows it in kilometers.”

“I was asking directions from a woman at the bus stop and had no idea she was a prostitute. I was not on the sidewalk [but] had pulled into the gas station.”

“I left my curling iron on, and was rushing to get home to turn it off before the house burned down.”

The judges’ verdicts (in order): Hah, hah, hah.

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MAYBE A COMPACT MODEL? Claude Johnson of Hollywood wasn’t sure he’d be able to fit his prize into a post office box (see accompanying).

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TRUE OR FALSIE? Small claims court somehow seemed the wrong forum for a dispute involving giant (size 99 MMM) foam rubber breasts.

A Chatsworth adult video company ordered the big falsies from a Buena Park special effects firm. But when they arrived, they were deemed too large and wrinkled. The filmmakers demanded the return of $2,500 but the creators of the bogus breasts called them “beautiful” and said the stretch marks made them “look realistic.”

A Van Nuys judge ruled against the video company, then commented sourly: “I want to tell you how appalled I am by the business you are in and my disdain that you are taking up the court’s time with this matter.”

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OH, PUT A LID ON IT, RICK: In a pre-April Fools’ Day hoax, disc jockey Rick Dees told his listeners that a backed-up sewer system in the city could cause their toilets to explode at any minute. He suggested placing 10 pounds of weight on toilet seats as a safety precaution.

Whereupon several hundred panicked people phoned L.A. and Orange County public works offices.

“I checked and found we had no problems,” said one official. “Fortunately, I think a lot of people just decided to go to work rather than stand on their toilet seat all day.”

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B.C.P. (BEFORE CELLULAR PHONES): During the 1980 presidential race, the Associated Press needed a place to mount a telephone outside the Pacific Palisades residence of candidate Ronald Reagan. So it paid 50 cents a day to lease an oak tree across the street. When the phone rang, one reporter answered by saying, “AP tree.”

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CALTECH STUDENTS’ TRICK? It had to be the rudest “Don’t Walk” signal in Pasadena. When its red electronic hand gestured for pedestrians to wait a few years ago, only the middle finger showed.

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Leonard Martinez of Canoga Park was a bit surprised to notice that his application to renew a driver’s license included a chilling warning from the DMV, which said it would take a “finger” as well as a photo. That’s all the digital items for today.