Black Mark on Union Cards

Let me see if I’ve got this straight.

Tony Phillips, a baseball player of some considerable ability, was arrested on a felony charge of possession of cocaine. The police report said he was in the process of lighting it up when the bust was made.

His employer, Walt Disney Co., thought it best to put him on the disabled list while he entered an inpatient treatment center and wrestled with a way to combat his addiction, if such it was. He was to remain on the payroll.

Tony Phillips, who makes $1.8 million a year, refused. The ballclub tried to suspend him. And the union, the Major League Baseball Players Assn., one of the only unions in the world with a membership of millionaires, said Disney couldn’t do that, because it violated the agreement between labor and management.

An interesting agreement but more or less indicative of the times in which we live. The union drug policy holds that first-time offenders can obtain “confidential” treatment with no penalty.

But how can a matter be “confidential” when it already is on Page 1 and the 11 o’clock news from coast to coast?

Tony Phillips dutifully went back to the lineup, as designated hitter. They booed him when he came to the plate that night but, when he doubled to the wall, and later scored on a single, the same fans gave him a standing ovation. Ah, sports fans!

What is my take on all this? Well, first of all, I am glad the Major League Players Assn. does not represent airline pilots or school-bus drivers. If one of them gets caught loading a cocaine pipe, I would like him grounded for a while. Maybe, like a while called forever.

But, while the story on Tony Phillips drew Page 1, there was another item on Page 3 noting that, while a majority of baseball’s owners opposed the designated-hitter rule (and role), the players’ association threatened action if they tried to remove it.

Now that, I have to argue, is carrying labor relations too far. The unioneers, I know, try to treat a ballplayers’ union as if it were the girls in the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist fire in New York City or guys in Cambodia sewing athletic shoes for a dime an hour, instead of guys who get $10,000 a night for standing out in right field blowing bubble gum.

And, they want the designated hitter kept in place because it increases the work force. Another wage earner (millionaire) on the roster.

But where does it end? Can the union insist an infield be increased to six men, an outfield to four?

Maybe it can hold out for a pitcher being allowed to go only three innings? (They’re getting that way on their own.) You’ll need 10 more pitchers that way.

Maybe the union can hold out for platooning. Have nine guys on offense and a different nine on defense, like the NFL. This would double the work force.

It’s a standard tactic. The railroads used to call it “featherbedding” in another era. Hiring three men to do the job of one.

The pride and joy of baseball has always been its geometry. Hit a ground ball 125 feet and, if the shortstop does his job, you will be out by a step. Run 90 feet in 3.5 seconds and you can steal a base.

And field only nine men, not 10, a side.

Supposing a John L. Lewis comes along and wants the distance between the bases reduced to 80 feet? 75? His rank-and-file can make more money if they steal 100 bases a year instead of 20.

Maybe they can get the curveball made illegal? After all, wages, hours and working conditions are the union’s bailiwick. Having to hit curveballs is a clear violation of workers’ rights to make a living.

Maybe they should get time and a half for extra innings? Imagine what time and a half on Albert Belle’s salary would be!

But far be it from me to tell baseball, or the players’ association, what to do. They can kill off the grand old game all by themselves. The guys that invented the game, invested in the game, promoted the game are bad guys by definition today.

The game doesn’t even have a legit commissioner. Too bad Timothy Leary is gone. He would have been perfect.