THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

1. Michigan (11-0): Bo Schembechler: “Nice going, Lloyd, I’ll take it from here.”

2. Nebraska (11-0): What happened to Penn State in ’94 is about to happen to you.

3. Tennessee (10-1): Heisman report: Manning didn’t look so dandy versus Vandy.

4. Florida State (10-1): Needs Nebraska or Tennessee loss to get back in title picture.

5. UCLA (9-2): “No comment,” says school to report Jelani McCoy will start at center in the Cotton Bowl.

6. Washington State (10-1): Players from ’31 Rose team suggest using “Red Car” to get around L.A.

7. Florida (9-2): Rankmaster soliciting Citrus Bowl jokes regarding Steve Spurrier.

8. North Carolina (10-1): Coach, you’ve just won the Gator Bowl, where you going? “Texas!”

9. Ohio State (10-2): Thanks for passing the Sugar, Penn State, we’ll bring back coffee and beignets.

10. Kansas State (10-1): Excuse us, Arizona State, but we’ll be needing those lockers. Care for a tortilla chip?

11. Penn State (9-2): Pictures of Penn State defense plastered on milk cartons nationwide.

12. Auburn (9-2): Shucks, it doesn’t look like Terry Bowden will face his daddy in a bowl game.

13. Texas A&M; (9-2): Pssst, try the fourth-down pass against Nebraska; works like a charm.

14. Georgia (8-2): Jimmy Carter slated to throw out first pit at Jan. 2 Peach Bowl.

15. Arizona State (8-3): El Paso is beautiful this time of year . . . really.

16. Louisiana State (8-3): Itching for another crack at Notre Dame in the Independence Bowl.

17. Missouri (7-4): Will everyone please make up their bowl minds so we can pack?

18. Purdue (8-3): To the hoots of “Remember the Colletto Years!” team charges into Alamo Bowl.

19. Syracuse (8-3): Should be flown first class to Fiesta Bowl for saving Big East’s backside.

20. Marshall (9-2): Such a deal, getting to host the MAC title game in first year at Division I-A.

21. Colorado State (9-2): Counting the hours until WAC title game versus New Mexico.

22. Southern Mississippi (8-3): Matchup versus Pittsburgh to be promoted as “Steel versus Magnolias.”

23. Oklahoma State (8-3): Excuse us, but is the Holiday Bowl anywhere near a bus station?

24. Notre Dame (7-5): Irish cut it close in Hawaii, but book that bowl trip, Mc’Danno.

25. Michigan State (7-4): Except for that four-game brain cramp, Spartans might have been a contender.