Mallternatives

If you happen to be one of those mall-adjusted people who prefer doing last-minute holiday shopping shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of the panicked hordes, and you relish negotiating seemingly endless marbled corridors of megalithic retail centers via locater panels emblazoned with the message “You are here”--or you’ve simply finished your shopping--read no further.

But if you find yourself wishing you weren’t “here”; if you’re one of those mall-contents who’d just as soon forgo the sore feet and frayed tempers but still have gifts to buy for arts and entertainment lovers, cheer up:

There are mall-ternatives.

And you can be sure that Jo-Ann Mapson, Costa Mesa author of “Hank and Chloe,” “Blue Rodeo” and several other novels, takes advantage of them.

“I used to work at a mall in my early 20s,” Mapson said. “I did two Christmas seasons--that was plenty.

“I hate crowds. I’m a hermit. And the kind of presents I usually look for are not available at a mall. I get weird presents. I get lots of people dog presents, for instance, from the Three Dog Bakery catalog. I might venture as far as an art-supply store . . . but I buy all my books on the Internet.”

It’s a zoo out there, all right; this season, consider making it your menagerie. The Internet, swap meets, museum gift shops--even the real zoo--are a few of your options.

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Many malls include stores specializing in museum-inspired merchandise. But why not go to the horse’s mouth?

The Orange County Museum of Art in Newport Beach, Bowers Museum of Cultural Art in Santa Ana and Fullerton Museum Center, to cite three, have fairly extensive gift shops with an abundance of items that are off the beaten path.

Among the quirky items at Fullerton Museum Center are Mexican-wrestling action figures ($1), dehydrated Astronaut Food ($2) and original 1970s Bob’s Big Boy banks ($20). Noon-4 p.m. Wednesday and Friday-Sunday, and noon-8 p.m. Thursday. 301 N. Pomona Ave. (714) 738-3331.

“Chi Waras R Us,” boasts the Gallery Store at Bowers Museum of Cultural Art this holiday season; the African artifacts known as Chi Waras are fertility headdresses from Mali ($150-$4,000). Among an extremely wide variety of other gift items are Zulu Christmas ornaments ($7-$17), Chancay culture dolls from Peru ($12.50), and amber jewelry from all over the world ($25-$1,000). Open 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Tuesday-Sunday and 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Thursday. 2002 N. Main St., Santa Ana. (714) 567-3643.

The Orange County Museum of Art sells art books, jewelry and stationery in its museum store. Items run a spiritual gamut from miniature Zen rock gardens ($28-$34) to hand-painted martini glasses ($14) and Cartini glasses ($14-$26), cocktail glasses mounted on toy cars. Open 10 a.m.-10 p.m. Monday-Saturday and 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday. 850 San Clemente Drive, Newport Beach. (714) 759-1122.

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Fishing for gift ideas? Galleries don’t all deal in paintings. Among the possibilities:

* What began as Eileen Kremen’s collection of paperweights more than 20 years ago has crystallized into the county’s leading glass gallery. The kaleidoscopes at Eileen Kremen Gallery are nothing short of astonishing. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. 619 N. Harbor Blvd., Fullerton. (714) 879-1391.

* Timbuktu Folk and Tribal Art celebrates the work of self-taught and Third World artists, featuring primarily masks, musical instruments, textiles and traditional carvings. Open 11 a.m.-5 p.m. daily through Dec. 24. 1661 Superior Ave., Costa Mesa. (714) 650-7473.

* To say that Kristalle is a rock hound’s paradise doesn’t do it justice. For starters, the natural-history gallery also carries fossils (including dinosaur poop!), meteorites and antiquarian books. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday, and noon-5 p.m. Sunday. 875 N. Coast Highway, Laguna Beach. (714) 494-5155.

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For a really wild gift idea, consider Santa Ana Zoo’s animal adoption program. Something Wild allows participants to become zoo parents, providing financial support for, say, a golden lion tamarin or Polish top hat chicken, without the parental worry of feeding, shots or cleanup (not to mention Nintendo, body piercing and a college education.) Adoptive parents receive invitations to zoo functions, a subscription to the zoo’s bimonthly newsletter, Animal Tales, a certificate of adoption and a fact sheet about your chosen species. Donations start at $25. Call the Friends of the Santa Ana Zoo at (714) 953-8555.

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If you get close to South Coast Plaza but chicken out like one of those Polish top hats, just across Bristol Street is the Spa at South Coast Plaza. A gift certificate for a hydrating aroma foot wrap ($35 for 30 minutes) or custom body polish ($80 for one hour) is always a great idea, but the couples massage ($110 for one hour) is the gift that keeps on giving. In the course of the 90-minute treatment, a licensed massage therapist teaches one member of the couple how to massage the other, then the participants change places. Among techniques used is reflexology, an ancient science based on bolstering the organs via reflex points located in the feet and hands. Open 5:30 a.m.-9 p.m. Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-7 p.m. Saturday, and 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Sunday. 695 Town Center Drive, Costa Mesa. (714) 850-0050.

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The biggest problem with last-minute shopping is, by definition, the time crunch. Efficiency shopping becomes key. Whenever possible, kill two or more birds with one stone:

* Reuben Martinez used to boast “the best in books and hair.” Now his message machine promises “the best in books and art,” but fret not, he still gives haircuts. The books and art at Martinez Books and Art are almost exclusively Chicano and Latino; Martinez has been cutting hair for several decades and has a loyal following. If you opt for a haircut, good old-fashioned conversation is free: Martinez discusses anything and everything of topical importance with gusto. (He also sells T-shirts and greeting cards.) Open 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday-Saturday, and noon-8 p.m. Sunday. Builder’s Exchange Building, 200 N. Main St., Santa Ana. (714) 973-7900.

* Shop where the deejays shop--and maybe wear what the deejays wear. Higher Source consolidates LP and clothing inventories at a single 2,800-square-foot location. The focus is the music known as “techno-jungle”--a sub-genre under “electronica”--and fashions to go with it on labels including Diesel and Reactor Plus. Even if you don’t like what you hear, the listening station at the center of the store can be fascinating: A dozen turntables encircle a 450-gallon saltwater fish tank filled with exotic fish. Open 11 a.m.-9 p.m. daily. 9122 Adams Ave., Huntington Beach. (714) 965-5997.

* You’re likely going to spend time at a post office at some point during the holidays, whether it’s to buy stamps or mail gifts. You can also buy gifts. To go with its new Kwanzaa stamp, the U.S. Postal Service collection includes “The Gifts of Kwanzaa” ($14.95), a hardcover children’s book by stamp designer Synthia Saint James that includes a pane of 20 Kwanzaa stamps, and “Kwanzaa: A Celebration of Family, Community and Culture” ($24.95) by Maulana Karenga, the Cal State Long Beach black-studies professor who created the holiday in 1966. Also in the collection are Air Mail Aviator Jackets ($345); Antarctic Explorers T-shirts ($12.95) and “Frosty the Snowman” videos ($4.99). Phone orders: (800) 851-1661.

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Cybershop! Monkey around on the Internet, where typing in https://www.(major retailer’s name here).com often calls up a current catalog and ordering information. (Be warned: results can be spotty.)

Signing on to America Online easily accesses retailers including Barnes & Noble, Warner Bros. Studio Store and Chef’s Catalog. Classical music specials at Tower Records recently included Cecilia Bartoli’s “An Italian Songbook.” (You can order up to five items from Tower’s Top 1000 with second-day delivery for an additional $4.95 or overnight delivery for $8.95 usually possible, though some orders will take longer to process.)

Yahoo’s shopping guide, at https://shopguide.yahoo.com, lists promotions and resources, and provides links to sites where you can shop for everything from books to cigars. A site at https://www.cybermall.com provides evaluations of online malls and a directory listing the best among them.

Provide general information as to the gift-giving occasion and the recipient (sex, age, interests and personality), and Perfect Present Picker (https://presentpicker.com) will provide suggestions for gift ideas complete with prices and phone numbers.

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In the market for fleas? You won’t likely find any at local swap meets such as those that take place weekends at Orange Coast College (where one slogan is “stretch yer bucks”) and other colleges around the county, including Golden West College in Huntington Beach. But you will find plenty of stuff you won’t find anywhere except maybe garage sales. We know folks who have picked up decent musical instruments for themselves or their kids at bargain prices. (Get there early if you want a shot at that electric guitar your little Eddie Vedder’s been hounding you for.) Orange Coast College, 2701 Fairview Road, Costa Mesa. 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday-Sunday. (714) 432-5866. Golden West College Swap Meet, 15744 Goldenwest St., Huntington Beach. 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday-Sunday. (714) 898-7927.

Rain or shine, there’s one more swap meet weekend left for Hanukkah and Christmas shopping.