Fox Must Be Just Kidding Around Now

This is no way to start a new season.

Yet here they are, officially ushering in the networks’ epoch of 1998-99, a pair of Sunday night clunkers that Fox bravely insists are comedies.

First comes “Holding the Baby,” in which a clueless father faced with raising his infant son alone gets lucky when he happens upon a good-looking new nanny with real maternal instincts. Arriving later that evening is “That ‘70s Show,” a sort of “Happy Days” of the LSD era.

“Holding the Baby” is one of those half-hours that look for laughs in the kind of family catastrophe that reduces Americans to tears when it happens in real life. In this case, fast-talking salesman Gordon Stiles (Jon Patrick Walker) finds himself up against it when he first loses his nanny, then his wife when she tells him she’s deserting him and their infant son, Dan, and moving to Tibet with another guy, saying about the child that she’ll “see him when I can.”

In the world where the rest of us live, this would be about as cute as it was when Meryl Streep blew off Dustin Hoffman and their young son in “Kramer vs. Kramer.” But “Holding the Baby” adds still another tickler when Gordon’s driven boss (Ron Leibman) can’t remember his son’s name and would rather plug away at the office than attend the kid’s school play.

Of course, just about any topic is funny if it’s written funny. But the skill level here is not nearly good enough to make the grade.

The premiere finds Gordon trying to cope by bringing the baby to work, where he encounters Kelly (Jennifer Westfeldt), a temp receptionist whose future in nannydom is assured when she bonds with little Dan. Still, it won’t be easy, for living with Gordon is his brother, Jimmy (Eddie McClintock), and he’s AN IDIOT!!!!

Kelly resists becoming a nanny but reluctantly agrees to try it “for just a while.” Which is longer than this series is bearable.

These Aren’t the ‘70s, They’re the Dark Ages

“That ‘70s Show,” meanwhile, affirms that happy days are not here again.

The two episodes made available for review use teenagers and their parents to comment on the manners of a bell-bottoms decade when girls went in pairs to the lavatory and men were heavy into perms, long sideburns and leisure suits with floppy collared, flowered shirts and matching white belts and shoes.

Despite getting that part right, the premiere and second episode--unlike ABC’s old “Wonder Years,” for example--don’t begin to capture the period beyond its thin patina, and even worse, they are simply not funny. That includes an attempt to draw laughs from teenagers using pot. There are surely other ways to depict drug use beyond trying to turn it into something to giggle about.

The center of this historical flashback is the social circle of Eric Foreman (Topher Grace) and his friends somewhere in Wisconsin. The opener finds Eric, 17, yearning to be independent and being thrilled to be taking possession of the battered family car. His co-riders include his swell-looking neighbor, Donna (Laura Prepon), who has a crush on him, and his friend, Kelso (Ashton Kutcher), who is AN IDIOT!!!! Eric’s parents (Debra Jo Rubb, Kurtwood Smith) are also IDIOTS!!!!

There are some arresting visual techniques here, but the writing is heavy-handed, the humor broad and labored, and some of the acting way over the top. Episode 2 finds Eric’s parents throwing a surprise birthday party for him even though they know he doesn’t want one, and it’s no surprise. Here’s hoping they blow out the candles on this sucker fast.

* “Holding the Baby” premieres Sunday at 7:30 p.m., and “That ‘70s Show” at 8:30 p.m. on Fox (Channel 11). The network has rated both TV-PG (may not be suitable for young children).