Football Has Its Wives’ Tales

If there’s a football wife who deserves sympathy, it’s Maureen Rooney, wife of Notre Dame High Coach Kevin Rooney.

Her birthday falls on Aug. 28, smack in the middle of Hell Week. Kevin Rooney intends to spend Friday night the same way he has done for years--sleeping in the Notre Dame gymnasium with his players.

“She’s a saint,” Kevin said. “She never complains about it. She makes the sacrifices a lot of women won’t.”

Said Maureen: “I knew what I was getting into many, many years ago. My birthday has never been one of the more celebrated holidays. We tend to celebrate it way after or way before.”

Welcome to the life of a football wife. They are in exile for close to four months while their husbands are consumed with high school football.

During Hell Week--that chaotic period when coaches devote day and night to drilling players in multiple practice sessions--marriages cease to exist.

From September to the middle of December, marriages improve, but the separation continues.

“You get up before the sun rises and get home after the sun sets,” said Jon Mack, St. Bonaventure coach.

It might be wise for priests, rabbis and ministers to offer a new marriage vow when a football coach goes to the altar: “Do you take this football coach to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, whether he wins or loses, whether he screams at holding penalties or spends 14-hour days with his players?”

“I always laugh at the new young [wives] coming in and they start to complain about their husbands never being home,” Maureen Rooney said. “It’s true and it’s not going to change. Every single football wife goes through the same thing. You have to learn to do things on your own yet keep the husbands involved. It’s not like the coaches don’t want the families around. They want the support.”

How is a football coach supposed to have a happy, satisfying marriage when there are constant conflicts involving coaching and family commitments?

“The secret is marrying the right woman,” said Granada Hills Coach Darryl Stroh, who has been married for 37 years.

“I think most spouses want to have their mates show passion,” said Kennedy Coach Bob Francola, whose wife, Andrea, coached girls’ basketball at Reseda. “She’s proud of what I do and I’m proud of her. I’ve got someone to talk to about not being able to reach kids, and she understands that having taken two teams to the Sports Arena [for City Section finals]. She can empathize. We have a coaches’ perspective, and that makes it unique.”

Nancy Schaeffer, married for 34 years to Reseda Coach Joel Schaeffer, said, “I hate to sound corny, but I love it. I absolutely love football. I’m with my husband every Friday. We’ve seen a lot of friends get divorces or wives who back away from it. They have to know if a husband is a coach and loves it, you have to know there’s times he’s going to be withdrawn and you have to carry the ball.”

Football coaches have come to rely on their wives in bad times. Frequently a wife is the only friend left when a coach has suffered through a horrendous day where everything has seemingly gone wrong.

“When things go bad and my dog won’t even go for a walk with me, she tells me to hang in there,” Antelope Valley Coach Brent Newcomb said of his wife, Pam. “I don’t think I could have survived without her help.”

“I don’t give many A-pluses, but she’s that,” Reseda’s Schaeffer said of his wife. “There are these little peaks and valleys you have to traverse and cross, and how you deal with it has a lot to do with how well you maintain your sanity. Behind most good football coaches is a good wife.”

Judy Stroh has learned an important lesson in dealing with her husband, Darryl, after games.

“I don’t talk to him,” she said. “That’s the best way to handle him. We never discuss a bad game. We discuss the good ones.”

Judy wasn’t even perturbed that on a trip to Tahiti this summer, her husband couldn’t leave football behind.

“The whole time we were in Tahiti, he kept bringing out his football notes,” she said. “He thinks he’s solved a lot of problems.”

Westlake Coach Jim Benkert, in his second marriage, said experience helps coaches “realize what’s important in life.”

He said he will be making a renewed effort to keep his wife and 12-year-old daughter involved during the season.

“You need to take time to be there,” he said of his family responsibilities.

Having children can be beneficial for a coach. They serve as a constant reminder after games that there is more to life than wins and losses.

Notre Dame’s Rooney has three daughters, ages 16, 14 and 10, who help him maintain perspective.

“My kids try to make me laugh when they know I’m grumpy,” he said.

“They keep Kevin so grounded it’s almost ridiculous,” Maureen said. “They worship their dad, and if he’s feeling bad or disgusted, they take that on. He loves it. They make such a big fuss over him. They like the football players, too.”

The Rooneys could be soon be facing another family crisis. What happens if a Notre Dame player asks to date one of Rooney’s daughters?

“We’ve talked about that,” Maureen said. “You assume Kevin would be tough. He’s said, ‘I’d just as soon them dating kids I know.’ ”

It’s another dilemma in the unpredictable life of a football coach and his wife.

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Eric Sondheimer’s local column appears Wednesday and Sunday. He can be reached at (818) 772-3422.

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SNEAK PEEK

Starting Tursday, The Times begins a nine-part series previewing the regions top high school football players for 1998:

Thursday: Quarterbacks. Kyle Boller of Hart

Friday: Running Backs. Manuel White of Valencia

Saturday: Tight Ends. Mike Seidman of Westlake

Sunday: Wide Receivers. Jerry Owens of Hart.

Sept. 2: Offensive lineman: Tony Sanchez of Sylmar

Sept. 3: Defensive lineman. Carl Cannon of Taft

Sept. 4: Linebackers. Jorge Tapia of Hueneme

Sept. 5: Defensive backs. Corey Neal of Sylmar

Sept. 6: Kickers. Jason Geisler of Camarillo