Having a Cow Over J. Crew

Can anyone really tell the difference between the colors “ocean” and “lake”? If you’re as sick as we are of J. Crew’s warped sensibilities, pick up a copy of “J. Crewd” (Doubleday), a parody in the tradition of “Is Martha Stewart Living?”

Take a gander at the nine-in-one jacket:

“Trickle down to a T or bulk [up] to a beefcake. Four layers on, five layers off. Seven layers on, two layers off. One layer on, eight layers off. Quite frankly, we could really care less what you do once we get your money,” reads the description.

Barnyard basics include a cow coat with sirloin insulate and wraparound tail and a field jacket covered in (what else?) hay.

If it all sounds too frivolous, it may help to know that the book’s author, Jason Racz, has a real-life ax to grind. As a senior at Middlebury College in Vermont, he interviewed for a copy writing position at J. Crew. But Racz’s hopes for a 35% discount (and a job) came to a screeching halt when he was asked to come up with another name for red. His answer? “Blood.”