Home Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be, Toto

If a wild weekend of college football produced anything sadder than the state of UCLA’s defense it would have to be the state of Kansas.

The Wildcats’ tale of woe started with a double-overtime loss to Texas A&M; in the Big 12 championship game and ended with a bowl free fall that landed them in the prestigious Alamo Bowl against Purdue on Dec. 29.

Given the near-annual collapses of Roy Williams’ Kansas basketball team in the NCAA tournament and of Marty Schottenheimer’s Kansas City Chiefs in the NFL playoffs, the state faithful should be used to this kind of thing.

Columnist Joe Posnanski of the Kansas City Star laments: “People want answers, they need answers, and it’s no use to tell them that sometimes there are no answers. It’s no use to tell them that sometimes great teams lose and coaches cry and a dream season ends up at the Alamo Bowl. That’s just life, you know, especially around here.”

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Trivia time: When was the last time Kansas State won a conference football championship?

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Bubbling over: Yannick Noah, down a set and at 3-3 in a match against Pat Cash on Friday in London, ran toward a ball he failed to reach and jumped in among the spectators.

He picked up a glass of champagne belonging to a blond woman and had a drink before continuing the match.

“That really did me good,” he said.

A backhand from Cash clipped the net and gave the Australian match point at 6-5 but Noah saved it with a service winner.

He won the set and the match, which went into a tiebreak third set.

Noah’s fortunes went a bit flat in Sunday’s final, however, as he lost to John McEnroe, 7-5, 6-3. It was McEnroe’s fifth tournament victory in a row.

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Good answer, mate: Golfer Greg Chalmers, asked if it felt good to be going to the United States as the Australian Open champion: “It’s great to go anywhere as the Australian Open champion.”

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Ice breaker: British golfer Ronan Rafferty will host the first world ice golf championships, to be staged 300 miles north of the Arctic Circle in Greenland next year.

The tournament, to be played with bright colored balls and with greens sprayed with red dye, will be held March 27 and 28 on the sea ice off Uummannaq in northern Greenland.

“I’ve played in many unusual places-on the plains of Africa, in the sand of the desert,” Rafferty said. “Now I’m looking forward to testing my skills on the most difficult surface of all--ice.”

Anyone with a handicap of less than 34, and the ability to fend off polar bears with an eight-iron, can take part, although participation is limited to 36 entrants.

The first ice golf championship was due to have been held last April, but had to be canceled at the last minute because the weather was too warm.

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Trivia answer: 1934, the second-longest active streak to fellow Big 12 member Iowa State, which last won a title in 1913.

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And finally: Sylvester Stallone, star of the “Rocky” movies, among others, and honoree at the recent Oscar De La Hoya Foundation dinner in Beverly Hills: “The only guy I could fight now is Senator John Glenn.”