Don’t Sell Your Marriage Short

Yes, it is possible to sustain a thriving marriage while building a business, though no one ever said it was easy. Here are 10 common mistakes that can harm an entrepreneurial couple’s personal relationship:

* Rushing into an entrepreneurial opportunity without thinking through the details of how that decision will affect the marriage and family.

There is no such thing as “my” business when you’re married. Whether you are just starting out, contemplating an expansion or considering partnering with a friend in a new venture, any business choice you make will have a profound effect on your family. Slow down in the face of the beckoning dollar signs and think through whether the decision would be good for your spouse and children, as well as your ego and bank account.

* Assuming that your love for each other will prevent the inherent difficulties from taking a toll on the relationship.

The financial roller coaster of self-employment, combined with the exhausting hours often required to grow and manage a successful business, can strain even the strongest of marriages. This leads us to mistake No. 3:

* Neglecting personal and family relationships and your own physical and mental health.

If your marriage is on solid ground, you may be even more likely to put your attention entirely on the business and assume the relationship no longer requires daily nurturing. If you neglect it for weeks at a time, the bloom of your love is sure to wither, no matter how hardy.

* Insisting on your original plan instead of changing course when it’s right and necessary to do so.

Entrepreneurial couples who thrive are like two willow trees planted next to each other--strongly rooted, but bending with the wind and storms that come their way. Entrepreneurial life is inherently unpredictable, requiring regular course correction. If you insist on your way, and one way only, you may end up traveling that route without your spouse and family.

* Fantasizing about lucrative sales and profit rather than preparing for realistic cash flow.

Most of us who choose self-employment are striving for financial prosperity. The dream of abundance is vital for keeping us motivated, especially during the hard times.

But don’t confuse positive visualization with a sound business plan, especially when you’ve got a mortgage to pay and children who depend on you. Realistic financial planning is not the same as negative thinking. It is responsibly protecting your most important asset--your family.

* Complaining about the required sacrifices and compromises, even though you supported the idea in the beginning.

Business ownership often turns out to be more demanding than we or our spouses ever imagined. It is not uncommon for the spouse of an entrepreneur to shift from enthusiastic supporter to angry antagonist when the money isn’t flowing in, when the entrepreneur isn’t home for dinner, or when working together as partners is straining their love life. That brings us to another common mistake:

* Battling your partner, instead of joining together to find common ground and win-win solutions.

Too often we attack our spouse as the source of the problem, instead of working as a team to tackle the issue. Search for solutions that meet your mutual interests, and be willing to sacrifice some of your wants for the good of your family.

Support your spouse’s needs whenever possible and you’ll get your needs met in the long run.

* Resisting outside help for your business and your marriage when you need it.

Well over half of the entrepreneurial couples I interviewed for “Honey, I Want to Start my Own Business: A Planning Guide for Couples” sought the assistance of a marriage counselor or coach during troubled times. If your business has an accounting problem, you don’t hesitate to call an accountant. When you are on the verge of being sued, you hire an attorney, regardless of the cost. Don’t wait until divorce has become an option before seeking outside help to resolve conflict in your marriage. It is a sign of strength, not weakness.

* Expecting your partner’s support no matter what degree of risk and sacrifice is involved.

Just because your spouse loves you doesn’t mean he or she will follow you to the moon. Entrepreneurial life is risky and difficult at times. Each of you needs to step out of your comfort zone and be willing to endure greater uncertainty and fear than you might prefer.

Distinguish between uncomfortable and intolerable sacrifice, and don’t demand that your mate endure the intolerable. A panicking spouse can’t support you emotionally.

* Relying on your intimate partner to be your primary or only sounding board for resolving business problems.

Don’t shut your spouse out of your business life, but don’t rely on him or her as your sole means of encouragement and support. Create a network of colleagues and friends who can also be your cheerleaders. And make sure to share the good news with your spouse, not just the bad.

Your chances of celebrating your success with those you love will significantly improve if you have the skills and commitment to care for your marriage in some of these basic ways. Entrepreneurial life offers no guarantees, and neither does marriage. But I assure you this: Avoid these 10 common mistakes and your marriage will have additional strength and resilience when the trials of starting and growing a business are knocking at your door.

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Azriela Jaffe is the author of “Honey, I Want to Start My Own Business: A Planning Guide for Couples” (Harper Business) and “Let’s Go Into Business Together: Eight Secrets to Positive Business Partnering” (Avon Books). She can be reached by e-mail at jaffe@lancnews.infi.net, or visit her Web site at https://www.isquare.com/crlink.htm.