Smart Aleck

The question May 17: With the proposed merger of SBC Communications and Ameritech, what aspects of your phone service do you expect--or hope--will improve?

“For people that feel ‘unpopular,’ the phone company should develop an artificial ‘call-waiting’ buzz to break into ongoing calls just to make people feel popular.”

Marcia Austin, Sierra Madre

“If someone puts me on call waiting, I can zap that person with an electric shock by pressing the ‘star’ button.”

Emmanuel Rustia, Chino Hills

“ ‘You can’t improve my phone service,’ I tell the pesky phone company telemarketers when they call, ‘because I don’t have a phone.’ ‘Huh?’ they ask. ‘Then how are we communicating?’ ‘Well,’ I say, ‘I have this tin can with a long piece of string attached and it’s free. Can you improve on that?’ They hang up. I smile, smugly.”

Walt Hopmans, Santa Barbara