Pedaling in the Tour de Concrete

The city of Paramount’s newsletter reveals that a road maintenance crew was checking a newly laid concrete sidewalk when a young bicyclist pedaled into the wet stuff and became stuck. The crew asked the youth why he ignored the yellow caution tape that bordered the area. He responded: “You mean the finish line?”

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THE PARTIAL TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT: In an L.A. Daily Journal article on some of the wacky characters who wind up in courts, Deputy Dist. Atty. Mark Vezzani wrote about the defendant who was going to testify on his own behalf in L.A. Superior Court.

Swearing him in, the clerk asked, “Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

Wrote Vezzani: “The defendant leaned over and whispered to the clerk, ‘Lady, if I was going to do that, I’d have pled guilty.’ ”

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SUCH A DEAL: Some strange shopping opportunities were uncovered by Ken Grimwood (a hot mat that had been “insulted”), by Wendy Wagner (a CD player whose price “excludes free installation”) and by Dakota June Elliott (a Christmas tree that some might not consider such a “giant”) (see accompanying).

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WOULD YOU BUY A CAR FROM THIS MAN? (CONT.): Alice Davis of Irvine found my discussion of car salesmen on late night TV incomplete without the mention of Chick Lambert and his dog Storm.

“I worked the night shift in the early 1960s and when I got home about 1:30 in the morning I turned on the TV,” she said. “There I found Chick, who was terribly earnest, and his dog Storm, an equally earnest large German shepherd. When Cal Worthington started doing his dog Spot commercials (with elephants, leopards, etc.), I think he was doing a takeoff on Chick.”

I also mentioned Madman Muntz, whose car pitch was “I’d give them away but my wife won’t let me--she says I’m crazy!” Dave Konigsberg said I forgot to mention Muntz’s competitor next door, Wild Man Prichard, whose motto was “Blow your horn. We buy by ear.”

Sic ‘em, Storm!

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EVERY FAMILY HAS ITS SECRETS: The popularity of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” and “Greed” recalls a previous era of high-rated TV quiz shows (“The $64,000 Question,” etc.) in the 1950s.

Not to mention a parody of same on one of the Sid Caesar comedy shows.

In that segment, a quiz show contestant rattles off one correct answer after another, amassing a great pile of winnings. Then he correctly answers a question about all humans being descended from Adam and Eve.

At which time, the emcee says that he is sorry but, if all humans are related to Adam and Eve, the contestant is related to the sponsors, and therefore ineligible, and must forfeit all his winnings.

miscelLAny:

Don’t know you if you heard, but a company that makes hamburger grills is going to pay TV personality/boxer George Foreman about $100 million in cash and stock to use his name in ads. Of course, Foreman always knew his name was special. That’s why he christened his sons, George Jr., George II, George IV and George V. His daughter? He named her Georgetta.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.