Heartbreak Hotel--for the Management

EBay magazine reports that someone paid $4,600 for this item at a recent auction of Elvis memorabilia:

A $695 bill from the Beverly Wilshire Hotel for “damage to Suite 850, including broken sofa, broken dining room chair, seven chipped/scratched dining room chairs and a broken leg on a drum table.”

Did Elvis knock the furniture over during a desperate search for the suite’s mini-fridge? OK, I know what you’re saying: Don’t be cruel.

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‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE CAREFUL, TRA L.A. LAW L.A. LAW: One Westside law firm threw an office Christmas party for its employees--but required everyone attending to sign a “liability waiver” exonerating the firm of legal responsibility for any unbecoming conduct by the minions. (I think law firms are still haunted by the amorous adventures of Arnie on the old TV show, “L.A. Law.”)

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THE WEIRD, WEIRD WORLD OF ANIMALS: On display today we have an indoor cat that seems to have lived many more than nine lives (spotted by Rita Ratcliffe); an adoption offer of some “living” dogs--you know, the kind that are more likely to obey commands (from Gert Honeyman); and what sounds like a real circuit rider of a preacher (from Antony Evans).

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GUERRILLA PROOFREADERS REPORT: More adventures with the English language spotted in publications by Only in L.A. readers:

* A personal ad placed by a woman who describes herself as “sensitive, caring, enjoys bomb fires” (from John Such).

* A beautiful house with “bean ceilings” (from Jake Jacobs).

* A hospital plan for those who refuse to pay “exurbanite” fees (from several readers, including Chris Knight, who wonders why there’d be a reference to “those of us who used to live in cities.”).

* An “all bread” dog show, which, in the interests of full disclosure, I must add, appeared in The Times (from Bob Tappan, Elaine Gardner, Eleanor Van Natta and several others).

* A six-pack of imported Tecate “beef” (from George Vanderhaar).

* And, finally, an available house that is “resenting the best of Brentwood” (Warren Lincoln).

Hey! That sounds like my envious house!

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TALK ABOUT A BAD GOLF LIE: A friend told Gene Walsh about a golfer at an L.A.-area country club who hit an errant shot that broke the large window of an adjacent luxury home. As the golfer approached the house, a woman rushed out and shouted, “I just bought this house and my real estate agent told me your golf club had only good players.” Walsh’s friend said that a week later, a “For Sale” sign had popped up at the house.

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IN CASE YOU’RE KEEPING SCORE: The first novel to mention Staples Center is “The Jook,” Gary Phillips’ crime novel about an ex-pro football player who becomes involved with the sleazy owners of an NFL expansion franchise in L.A.

The book is set a few years into the next century. Much of the brutal on- and off-the-field action takes place at the Coliseum, which has been fitted with a retractable dome.

Staples is described in passing as an arena “shaped like a giant ‘Q’ knocked on the side” and the home of the Lakers, the “sorry . . . Kings and the pathetic Clippers.”

Some things never change.

miscelLAny:

A new TV ad for Toyota proclaims, “Your ride to the new millennium is here. Are you ready to go?”

And it shows the car splashing its way through the L.A. River.

Well, I know that’s the route I’m going to drive the first day of Y2K, just to be safe.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.