Burning Brightly
Memories typically soften with time, even heart-wrenching ones. Not for actress Judith Light--at least not the memory of when she filmed “The Ryan White Story,” a made-for-TV movie about the teenager who contracted the AIDS virus from a blood transfusion and was shunned by an uncaring community.
Ryan and his mom, Jeanne, who was played by Light, were on the set the entire time.
“I have to tell you that the power of the two of them being there was so profound for so many of us,” Light recalls. “I watched Jeanne be a caregiver, and I listened to the things that he [Ryan] said about the disease. They really impacted me, and it changed my life.”
The movie aired in 1989. Ryan died the following year. He was 18.
For the past decade, Light has worked for AIDS charities and gay rights--from making speeches all over the country to participating in the 560-mile California AIDS Ride. She is the first heterosexual to sit on the board of directors of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. The center recently named its library after her.
Volunteering runs in the family. “My husband is now the chairman of the board of Project Angel Food,” Light added in a soft yet proud tone. “And that’s an organization that is serving close to 1,000 hot meals a day to home-bound patients with AIDS.”
Actor Robert Desiderio and Light, who were married in 1985, met while she was playing Karen Wolek on the daytime drama “One Life to Live” from 1977-82. (She is perhaps best known for her role opposite Tony Danza on “Who’s the Boss?”)
Question: What was it about Ryan that had such a powerful impact on you?
Answer: When I heard Ryan say that when he would go to school or the grocer, people would spit at him and call him a fag. It destroyed me. That we could be this way to each other, out of fear or lack of understanding.
Q: What else do you remember?
A: Ryan was interviewed by a group of kids, and some kid said to him, “Well, we didn’t know anything about this and wouldn’t you have acted that way?” and he said, “I would have been scared, but I wouldn’t have been cruel.” I thought that was so profound. I said, “Wait a minute. I have friends who have this and I’m not doing anything, and that’s not OK with me.” And that’s how my activism came to be.
Q: Talk to me about philanthropy and celebrities.
A: I’ve always felt that celebrity was wonderful for a lot of the perks that it could give you. It was also wonderful because you got to work on your craft and understand yourself more through the parts that you played. But celebrity really doesn’t mean anything unless you use it for finding some way to give back, and I’ve always felt that way.
Q: What are some of the most frustrating aspects about your philanthropy work?
A: What’s very hard in the beginning--as I said, my work began with the AIDS work--was to see the prejudice against the community. You know, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender--people are people. The thing that is so painful is when people are prejudiced against other people. There are all kinds of things that are frustrating but [it’s] mostly human psychology, how we keep ourselves back because we’re afraid to talk about something.
Keeping things hidden in the closet because it’s so difficult for people to deal with the issue of sex. I think that was what stopped us from moving forward in terms of the [AIDS] drugs. I think sometimes some of my friends might be alive today had we begun talking about it, had the government begun talking about it sooner and moved things along faster. And so that’s very painful to see: time lost out of fear of talking or educating people.
Q: Do you and Robert ever work together on your charities?
A: Robert also volunteers every week at Project Angel Food and he does a lot of the baking for Project Angel Food. He asked me if I’d come over and help him Wednesday, so we’ll go over and make the dessert.
Q: What kind of dessert are you guys making?
(She calls to Robert.)
A: Honey, what are we making on Wednesday? Lemon . . . lemon something . . . lemon bars. And in bulk, for like 980 people.
Q: Nine hundred and eighty lemon bars?
A: Something like that. Project Angel Food has a state-of-the-art kitchen now. So it isn’t like, you know, Robert and I are going to be beating the sugar and the butter at 5 o’clock in the morning and then maybe at 4 in the afternoon we’d have it all creamed together.
Q: How would you feel about yourself if you didn’t give back?
A: This is to me--this is just for me--but if I were on my death bed and I looked back over my life and I hadn’t found a place to give, if I hadn’t been of service, if I hadn’t given of my time and my money, no matter how much, I would not feel that I had a full life. I find that if I’m not really giving and spending time doing that, I end up complaining or looking for places to fulfill my ego, and I don’t like the way I feel about myself.
Q: Then the flip side is true when you give.
A: You’re not focusing on yourself. It’s that George Bernard Shaw quote that I’ve used in so many speeches: “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose, recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. . . .” Oh, God. How’d the rest of that go? It’s an extraordinary quote.
Later that day, Light faxed the rest of the Shaw quote:
“I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”
For more information or to volunteer:
* L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, (323) 993-7400.
* Project Angel Food, (323) 845-1800.