The Final Gun for Pro Football Here?

Is this a bad omen for the two groups bidding to bring an NFL franchise to Los Angeles? K.W. Jeter’s novel “Noir,” set in the 21st century, has a chilling scene in which an investigator stumbles into the End Zone Hotel in L.A.

“The place had a pro football motif,” Jeter writes, “yellowing posters of numbers and helmeted players on the walls, from a time when there’d been those kinds of teams. . . . Now the words seemed to have taken on a different meaning: The hotel’s lobby looked like one of hell’s waiting lounges.”

Say it ain’t so: No NFL football here in the 21st century, either?

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TRASH TALK: While I’m at it, I wish the Disney Channel would stop its constant reruns of “The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon,” starring Tony Danza as a trash man turned football star.

The movie does nothing to enforce L.A.’s image as an NFL-type town. At one point Danza tries to inspire his teammates by saying, “We’re the Philadelphia Eagles, not the Los Angeles Whoevers.”

I’m sure it’s a coincidence that Michael Ovitz, one of the fellows bidding to start an L.A. (Whoevers) franchise in Carson, left Disney after a bitter dispute.

Odd coincidence, too, that the park Ovitz envisions would be on a landfill.

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GUERRILLA PROOFREADERS’ REPORT: Time for another review of quirky spelling and logic in print spotted by Only in L.A. readers:

* A remodeler’s ad for a home “adison”--sometimes spelled “addition.” (Submitted by Patti Wienke.)

* A painter who says his work is “quaranteed!” (Dorothy Fisher)

* A flier advertising 24-hour “ploombing.” (Anonymous)

* An ad for a store on “Fair Fax” Avenue. (Michael Friedman)

* An announcement by the Prince of “Peach” Church. (Philip Skarin)

* A restaurant that claims it has a wide variety of “authentic food.” (Bill Beaver)

* A tour package that offers dinner with “vines.” (Nancy Carrico)

* And, finally, a blurb from a company that doesn’t brag about itself: “We can help you get financed even if you’ve been turned down by another poor company.” (Trudi Jubb)

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ALL IN THE SAME BOAT, SO TO SPEAK: Alan Frisbie of L.A. titles this pair of shots in Glendale, showing three separate outdoor mail slots and their common indoor destination, “Your Suspicions Confirmed.” (See photos.)

Further proof that it all comes together at the U.S. Postal Service.

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NO BURGERS? Dan Fink of L.A. sent along an ad from upscale Gelson’s for its “Super Bowl Finger Food Fest,” which consists of “triangles with lobsters and caramelized onion filo, black bean empanadas, seafood thermidor en puff pastry, mini-quiches and much more.”

Asks Fink: “Would real men eat this at a Super Bowl party?”

I always say, if seafood thermidor en puff pastry doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face.

miscelLAny:

In the “names don’t fit” category, Roger Dames of Granada Hills notes that the co-author of “The Philosophy of Risk” is John C. Chicken.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by carrier pigeon at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.