GTE Misdials Romeo and Juliet
“Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore Art Thou?” is the headline on GTE notices announcing the phone company’s new 411 National Directory Assistance program (see accompanying).
Bad connection.
Rory Johnston of Venice points out that GTE has misread the Bard. “Wherefore” means “why,” not “where.”
When Juliet poses her famous question--”O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?”--she is not asking his whereabouts. She is asking why he has to have the name of a member of the rival Montague family, dooming their romance.
I know this because I did something the GTE writer didn’t do--I checked the authoritative work, “The Complete Idiots’ Guide to Shakespeare.”
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MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: Richard Unitan writes that his office is in Los Alamitos--”the other L.A., where the police log is more mirth than murder.” For example, there was this item in the crime report of the local paper, the News-Enterprise:
“1:15 a.m.: A girl on Roller Blades and a girl with a stroller were reported going around [gasoline] pumps in circles for no apparent reason.”
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WASHOUT: Cal State Long Beach, the scene of a dog show, posted some signs at the nearby school gymnasium to make sure that owners don’t go too far in their pampering (see photo).
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THIS DATE IN HISTORY: Two years ago today, The Times reported that a jokester had tampered with the the city’s abandoned vehicle hotline so that it was possible to hear the following ungrammatical message:
“Hi! If you want to call the city and have nothing done, just call me and I will take your message and file it away like the rest of the city employees does. So please feel free to leave a message and not have anything done. Bye now.”
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NEITHER A BORROWER . . . A shop in L.A.’s Toy Town district sports this sign: “If you don’t have any money, don’t ask us the price.”
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WE DON’T WANT TO KNOW ANY MORE: A yard sale sign in West Hollywood advertised such items as designer suits, electronics and housewares, as well as an “adult section.”
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PRESIDENTIAL GOAL: You have to admire the courage of President Clinton for deciding to attend the women’s World Cup final between the U.S. and China at the Rose Bowl. Should the U.S. lose Saturday, some Clinton critic will undoubtedly say it was because his administration had allowed soccer secrets to be sold to the Chinese.
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NO BALANCING ACTS: Melinda Proctor of Beverly Hills saw this notice near a serve-yourself coffee table at the Westside Pavilion Cinemas:
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“ATTENTION!!! Coffee is Commonly Known as a ‘Hot’ Liquid! Please Use Care!! For the Safety and Consideration of Others, Please Do Not Put Coffee Cups on Your Head or in Your Lap!”
miscelLAny:
Alan Beauchesne was listening to the pregame Dodger broadcast when it came time to announce the name of the fan who was eligible to win a prize that night. The winner was identified as Larry Fine, which, Beauchesne pointed out, was also the name of one of the Three Stooges. The way the Dodgers are playing, thoughts of the Three Stooges are never far away for local fans these days. Talk about a comedy of errors. . . .
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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.
