LAUGH LINES

In the Long Run: Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton found a house in New York, but the rent is $20,000 a month and they don’t want to spend more than $10,000 a month. “They’re not worried because Hillary’s sure she can make up the difference with a crooked real estate deal.” (David Letterman)

That’s Not Cool: L.A. suffered from a heat wave this week. “It was so hot that UCLA football players were burning the bottoms of their feet just going from the front door to their handicapped parking spaces.” (Steve Voldseth)

Speaking of the Bruins: Some 14 UCLA football players have been accused of illegally using handicapped parking spaces. “You know what makes it worse? Those handicapped spaces were reserved for the Clippers.” (Jay Leno)

Kids, Don’t Try This at Home: A man burned down a house after using a lighter to look in a gas can. “Not only is the house a loss, but his plans to become a rocket scientist have been put on hold.” (Daily Scoop)

Changing Channels: ABC announced that beginning this fall, “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place” will be known simply as “Two Guys and a Girl.” “So that’s one pizza place down, two guys and a girl to go.” (Voldseth)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.