This Bison Surely Has Seen Greener Pastures

Detroit Piston center Bison Dele, formerly known as Brian Williams, has been a slow-moving bison. Dele was fined $1,000 for missing the team bus to a game March 6 in Orlando.

Dele then went out and missed 11 of 17 shots in a loss to the Magic, his former team. He is so disliked in Orlando that the Magic plays a recording of a mooing cow every time he touches the ball.

“It’s the worst place for me,” Dele said of Orlando. “I have never played well down there. Just too much bad blood.”

More Dele: On Wednesday, Dele was ejected from a game against Washington when he grabbed a rebound and swung around, nearly hitting Wizard Ben Wallace with his elbow. Rookie referee Marc Davis thought it was intentional.

“I never touched him,” Dele said. “He called it for reading my mind.”

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Trivia time: What was unusual about the heavyweight title fight between Max Schmeling and Jack Sharkey in 1930?

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Ear plugs needed: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “Somebody please, somebody with a strong stomach, count the number of ‘Unbelieeevable’ shouts from Dick Vitale’s telecasts during March Madness.”

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Please, don’t help us: Minnesota Timberwolf General Manager Kevin McHale on Stephon Marbury’s agent, David Falk, before the Timberwolves were forced to trade Marbury to New Jersey:

“When he said, ‘I’m going to help you,’ that’s when I knew we were in trouble. When an agent says those five words, cover your wallet and run.”

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Outraged: Some Headlines from British papers on the Lennox Lewis-Evander Holyfield fight:

The Sun: “Crime of Century”

The Star: “Punches landed: Lewis 348, Holyfield 130. Result . . . A draw!”

The Independent: “Judges ‘rob’ Lewis of world title”

The Mirror: “Cheated”

The Guardian: “And the loser is the murky world of heavyweight boxing”

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Outraged II: Wallace Matthews in the New York Post on the controversial draw:

“It was a night in which the glory and honor of boxing was supposed to return to its former home [Madison Square Garden]; instead, the stink returned to the air over the ring.

“Lewis beat Holyfield from here to London--with stop-offs in Jamaica and Canada along the way--and back again.”

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Short changed: Houston Astro first baseman Jeff Bagwell, like Mark McGwire, has been using androstenedione but hit 34 homers last season, nine fewer than the previous year.

He told McGwire, “I guess in my andro, they took out the ‘How-to-hit-a-home run’ pamphlet inside the bottle.”

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Trivia answer: Schmeling won on a foul in the fourth round. In a 1932 rematch, Sharkey won a 15-round decision to become heavyweight champion.

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And finally: After a Philadelphia 76er fan heckled Chicago Bull guard Ron Harper last week, Harper said, “I have three championship rings.”

Responded the heckler: “So does Dickey Simpkins.”