Just Like Old Times With Raiders Fans
A colleague saw an MTA bus whose electronic digital sign said, “GO RAIDERS!” The destination sign said, “COUNTY JAIL.”
Two institutions that just seem to go together.
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SHOPPING FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE: June is approaching and you still haven’t found Mr. or Ms. Right (or, since this is uninhibited Southern California, Mr./Ms. Right). You’ve tried the singles ads. You’ve gone out with friends of friends. Well, maybe it’s time to try a certain company in the city of Commerce (see photo).
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HARRUMPH FOR HOLLYWOOD! Disney boss Michael Eisner, you may have read, admitted in court that he may have said of ex-employee Jeffrey Katzenberg, “I hate the little midget.” Not to mention: “Jeffrey was my retriever. He was [the] end of my pompom. I’m the cheerleader.”
Those statements are destined to be immortalized in prominent places in future books of vicious Hollywood quotes.
Some others, collected from Boze Hadleigh’s “Hollywood and Whine” and other sources:
* “I saw this empty taxicab drive up, and out stepped [studio boss] Sam Goldwyn.” (theater magnate Sid Grauman)
* “They’ve said [Louis B.] Mayer’s his own worst enemy. Well, not really. Not while I’m around.” (fellow mogul Jack L. Warner)
* “He’s too subtle for me.” (Oscar Levant on John Wayne)
* “ ‘The Jerry Lewis Show’ has all the suspense of a Hitchcock thriller--the suspense of wondering when the first laugh will come.” (Levant)
* “A day away from Tallulah is like a month in the country.” (writer Howard Dietz on tart-tongued actress Tallulah Bankhead)
* “Give the public what they want to see, and they’ll come out for it.” (Red Skelton on the huge crowd attending the funeral of unpopular mogul Harry Cohn)
* And, finally, Larry Gelbart, recalling the problems he had with star Dustin Hoffman while writing “Tootsie”:
“Never work with an Oscar winner who’s shorter than the statue.”
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MULTICULTURAL PLATE: Only you can’t eat this multicultural plate (see photo). Anthony Pardines was so taken with the manhole cover that he put it on the cover of one of his Pictureville greeting cards, which are set in L.A.
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NO BACK SEAT DRIVER: In an American Movie Classics network special hosted by director John Boorman, he spoke of going out to dine with a famous actor at Jack’s at the Beach on the Santa Monica Pier. The actor became too drunk to drive and Boorman wrestled the car keys away from him. The actor refused to get inside but suggested a compromise: He would ride on the roof rack of the station wagon.
Boorman drove very slowly onto Pacific Coast Highway and crept toward the actor’s home in Malibu. Suddenly, he saw the flashing red lights of a police car. He pulled over. The officer surveyed the scene and then walked up to Boorman.
“Do you know,” the cop asked, “that Lee Marvin is on your roof?”
miscelLAny:
Howard Cohen reports that a juror candidate in Van Nuys told a judge that serving on a two-week case would be a hardship. Asked why, she said she was a television reporter. Asked who would suffer a hardship, she said her station--because May is sweeps month. He let her go. After all, the station might be working on another “Is Elvis Alive?” feature.
Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.