Section Gee! Advice, Humor, Comics, Horoscope, Kids : Off-Kilter : Where the Disco Inferno Still Rages

Alarming Trends Watch: Postage stamps honoring the Bee Gees are being issued by the Isle of Man, a nation whose postmaster clearly has amnesia about the 1970s scourge called disco.

Loser of the Week: The parents of a naked man who was found dead on the back of a killer whale at SeaWorld Orlando in Florida are suing the theme park. They claim SeaWorld should have posted warnings that sneaking into the park after hours to swim with a 5-ton whale could be fatal.

This is ludicrous. How can they blame SeaWorld when it’s obvious the guy was killed by corrupt LAPD officers who then framed him by placing his body in an out-of-state whale tank?

Fall Clearance: Hurricanes, bad toupees, irate witches and “Chicken Soup for the Siamese Twin’s Soul(s).” The latest on some of our summer topics:

* In response to our report on the name expert who thinks hurricane titles are too wimpy, Ontario Daily Bulletin columnist David Allen agreed and mentioned that he recently held a reader contest to create more ominous-sounding twister names. Nominees included Hurricane IRS Audit, Hurricane Springer and Hurricane Sequel To “The Avengers.”

* Our blurb on the Texas hamlet with one-way streets called This Way and That Way prompted Claude Sooter to inform us of his hometown of Halfway, Texas, which is halfway between the cities of Plainview and Muleshoe--and also midway between the towns of Quarterway and Threequarterway. Another reader, Curt Butz, noted that Orange County’s Silverado Canyon has streets called Getta Way, Hidea Way and Whila Way. And we hope that’s the last we hear about places with Way in the name, unless they’re called Am Way, Ididitmy Way or Gilligans islandcasta Way.

* Regarding our analysis of celebrity toupees and comb-overs, one reader theorized that Sam Donaldson’s hair is actually a tattoo. Meanwhile, Joy Zapata, a self-described “hairstylist to the stars,” was peeved about the Florida wig maker who wondered if Paul Reiser sports a toupee. “Mr. Reiser does not wear a hairpiece,” Zapata said. “Shame on you for taking cheap shots at high-profile personalities.” Cheap shots? Us?

* After reading about the grammar-challenged witches who blasted our column on Hollywood’s bias against warlocks, reader Drena Hills said she now understands the “Surendur Roy” message she saw written across the sky over the Los Angeles Times building the other day.

* Just call us Nostradamus Jr. In June, we reported on the virus-like spread of “Chicken Soup for the Soul” mania into all aspects of American life, including Chicken Soup board games and TV shows. We wondered if Chicken Soup action figures and movies were next. Sure enough, a Corona company has introduced Chicken Soup figurines (“a uniquely likeable chicken character”), plus magnets, stationery and bean-bag toys. So now we’re predicting the next nightmare: Hurricane Chicken Soup.

Best Supermarket Tabloid Headline: “Bizarre Treatment Cures Donkeys of Alcohol Abuse!” (Weekly World News)

This is a huge relief, because donkeys tend to be mean drunks. In one case, according to WWN, an intoxicated mule attacked a bar owner’s wife because she refused to serve it liquor after closing time.

Unpaid Informants: Wireless Flash News Service, Associated Press. E-mail Off-Kilter at roy.rivenburg@latimes.com. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. On our days off, we watch the Weather Channel for updates on Hurricane Drunk Donkey.