LAUGH LINES

Bush League: “[Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush] has an odd way of speaking. Have you ever noticed that when [he] uses a word with two syllables in it, he seems to pause like he’s proud of himself?” (Jay Leno)

Disappearing Act: “And Bill Bradley, remember him? His campaign is not doing too good. You see his new campaign slogan? . . . ‘Bradley: Vote for Him While You Can.’ ” (Leno)

Sweeping Up: “[‘Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?’] got huge ratings. In fact, C-SPAN has a new show with President Clinton, ‘Who Wants to Be First Lady for a Night?’ ” (Leno)

A Hard Lesson: “They are starting to compare everything about the two candidates. . . . According to the Washington Post, this Valentine’s Day, John McCain gave his wife two dozen roses but George W. Bush didn’t give his wife anything. . . . And in a related story earlier today, Bush’s wife endorsed John McCain.” (Conan O’Brien)

Under Wraps: “George W. Bush said that he would not appoint an openly gay person to his administration. . . . ‘Yeah,’ George W. went on to say, ‘All of my appointees will be either repressed homosexuals or closet cases.’ ” (O’Brien)

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