LAUGH LINES

On Speaking Terms: “The Democratic National Committee announced that President Clinton and Hillary will speak on the first night of the Democratic convention. What a huge moment this will be. They haven’t spoken since 1998!” (Argus Hamilton)

Reason It Out: Clinton will “veto [the marriage tax-cut bill] because he says it would encourage people to get married for purely financial reasons. And we all know that people should only get married for purely political reasons.” (Bill Maher)

Just Pick One: “George W. Bush said on ABC’s ‘This Week’ that his running mate . . . will [be] someone who would be qualified to be president of the United States. See, he’s lucky. He gets to pick someone who’s qualified to be president. We’ve got to pick between him and Al Gore. Is that fair?” (Jay Leno)

Not Taking Chances: “According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control, young people generally engaged in less dangerous behavior in the ‘90s. Young people had less sex and used more condoms. More young people wore seat belts and thought less about suicide. But the downside: More used drugs and smoked cigarettes. Somewhere, a tobacco executive is going: ‘So what’s the downside?’ ” (Daily Scoop)

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.