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Back--and Better: “The comic strip ‘Little Orphan Annie’ returned to newspapers, and the cartoonist says the strip has been updated to give Annie a more contemporary feel. . . . For instance, in the first strip, Little Orphan Annie has a blood test and tries to prove that her real father is Mick Jagger.” (Conan O’Brien)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs You’re at a

Bad Amusement Park

10. The guy selling cotton candy is wearing rubber biohazard suit.

9. Park access roads always jammed with ambulance traffic.

8. Seventy million mice--and not one of them named “Mickey.”

7. The “free fall” ride is just some guy pushing people in a ditch.

6. You ask where the men’s room is, and an employee points to the fun house.

4. Theme of the park is “impending bankruptcy.”

3. The guy operating tilt-a-whirl fired for not being drunk enough.

2. Guess-your-weight guy makes you sit on his lap.

1. If you win a goldfish, you have to take it home in your mouth.

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

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