ROAD TO INDIANAPOLIS

MIDWEST

At AUBURN HILLS, Mich.

Regional Semifinals, Thursday (4:30 p.m.)

Michigan State vs. Syracuse

Winner: Michigan State. COMMENT: See, the NCAA selection committee didn’t screw everything up. Not a bad little Final Four in itself, this Midwest, and we’re not backing off one inch from our prediction that the Spartans will be cutting nets in Indianapolis. Of course, it helps to have Mateen Cleaves in the lineup and the regional in your backyard.

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UCLA vs. Iowa State (6:45 p.m.*)

Winner: UCLA. COMMENT: Thirty-five points better than Maryland? What, is this a joke? Can we get our money back from the regular season? Either John Wooden is secretly coaching via the Internet or JaRon Rush is the next Michael Jordan. OK, give the kid coach some credit and go ahead and extend his contract. Oh, you did?

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Regional Final, Saturday (4 p.m.)

Winner: Michigan State. COMMENT: Wow, what a game. Did you tape it? Earl Watson lobbing passes off the backboard, Jason Richardson tomahawk jamming over Jerome Moiso. Too bad the Bruins only shoot 58% from the free-throw line. That really hurt in the end, didn’t it?

WEST

At Albuquerque

Regional Semifinals, Thursday (7:15 p.m.*)

Wisconsin vs. LSU

Winner: Wisconsin. COMMENT: And Louisiana State players thought they were sucking wind in Salt Lake City? Wait until they get a load of Dick Bennett’s defense at 4,945 feet! Yeah, we know LSU is Team Pogo Stick, but Fresno State and Arizona had better athletes than Wisconsin too, and both those squads have taken flying vertical leaps out of the tournament.

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Gonzaga vs. Purdue (4:45 p.m.)

Winner: Gonzaga. COMMENT: Cinderella story! Tiny school from Northwest! B-b-b-b-Bing Crosby’s alma mater! Ah, shut your half-court traps. That was last year’s syrupy story. You think after going 5-1 in the last two NCAA tournaments against Minnesota, Stanford, Florida, Louisville and St. John’s that Gonzaga is star struck? Purdue, meet your Boilermaker.

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Regional Final, Saturday (1:30 p.m.)

Wisconsin vs. Gonzaga

Winner: Wisconsin. COMMENT: Frankly, we’re seeing red after seeing Wisconsin play four times in two weeks. Yet, this defense-as-art-form mumbo jumbo Bennett has sold his players has brainwashed us into thinking there might be a place for structure in the modern game. Badgers, say CHEEEESE, you’re going to the Final Four.

EAST

At SYRACUSE, N.Y.

Regional Semifinals, Friday (4:30 p.m.)

Duke vs. Florida

Winner: Florida. COMMENT: On your marks, get set, BANG! Welcome to the U.S. indoor basketball sprint championships. Either that or a McDonald’s All-American old-timer’s game. There’s talent galore, speed to burn, and only one basketball. We say Florida’s all-star team out-kicks Duke’s all-star team.

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Oklahoma State vs. Seton Hall (6:45 p.m.*)

WINNER: Oklahoma State: COMMENT: Fellas, wake up, the dream’s over. Get your free NCAA watches and go home. Seton Hall can’t possibly keep winning NCAA tournament games in overtime--the Hall is two-for-two--with a coach young enough to get ID’ed at 7-Eleven and a star point guard, Shaheen Halloway, with a bum ankle.

*

Regional Final, Sunday (2 p.m.)

Florida vs. Oklahoma State

Winner: Florida: COMMENT: Billy Donovan, who learned everything he knows about basketball from Rick Pitino--except the part about running the Boston Celtics--leads the Gators to the Final Four in landlocked Indiana. Theory? In the end, talent always prevails.

SOUTH

At AUSTIN, Texas

Regional Final, Friday (7:15 p.m.*)

North Carolina vs. Tennessee

Winner: North Carolina: COMMENT: Yuck, can we shuffle the deck and start over? To borrow from Lawrence Welk, the One, and the Two, and the Three (seeds) are gone, leaving us with Underachievers Anonymous in North Carolina, which is UCLA with accents. We imagine Tennessee, which has won consecutive tournament games for the first time ever, will quiver at the site of the “NC” jerseys.

*

Miami vs. Tulsa (4:45 p.m.)

Winner: Tulsa: COMMENT: De-fense! De-fense! The boys at the Pentagon should enjoy this battle. No one from the East takes Tulsa seriously because it plays out yonder in the Western Athletic Conference, but truth is, the Golden Hurricanes swarm you with numbers and force 20.7 turnovers a game.

Regional Final, Sunday (11:30 a.m.)

North Carolina vs. Tulsa

Winner: Tulsa: No one is taking Tulsa seriously? Still? Won’t the Tar Heels be shocked to look up at game’s end to see that they’ve, um, lost. This is Tulsa victory No. 33, ironically the same number of athletic directors who have called regarding Coach Bill Self’s availability.

FINAL FOUR

INDIANAPOLIS, April 1 (2:30 p.m.)

Wisconsin vs. Michigan State. Winner: Michigan State. COMMENT: OK, let’s tally it up. The Spartans have already defeated the Badgers three times--Feb. 12, Feb. 19 and March 11. You say it’s impossible to beat a team four times in the same season? Call us an April Fool. We say Michigan State makes it No. 4 on April 1.

*

Florida vs. Tulsa (5:30 p.m.*)

Winner: Florida: COMMENT: We picked Florida to win it all in November, remember? Tulsa can’t win unless Florida lends it a couple of players.

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

April 3 (6:15 p.m.)

Michigan State vs. Florida

Winner: Michigan State. COMMENT: Hey, what’s Magic Johnson doing on our bench? In the end, senior Cleaves makes gator bait out of Gator guards Teddy Dupay, sophomore, and Brett Nelson, freshman.

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PREDICTED NATIONAL CHAMPION: Michigan State

*Officially starts 30 minutes after previous game.