Honk if You Love Bruins in Pac-10 Football Race

If you listened to the 10 coaches who stepped before the microphones at an LAX-area hotel Wednesday, officially wasting 150 minutes of the valuable time you will spend on this earth, there is going to be a 10-way tie for first place in the Pacific 10 Conference this football season.

Each coach was accompanied by a student-athlete, which probably prompted some anxious moments and some kind of extended search at Washington State, and listening to them all--they’re going to the Rose Bowl as one of the top two BCS finalists for the Jan. 3 national championship game.

A poll of media members who regularly cover the league, which means being sentenced to hard time in Pullman, picked Oregon as the Pac-10 champion, followed by Oregon State.

It’s all guesswork, as you know, unless you’re an expert.

And I’m happy to help.

I’VE GOT a problem, of course, because it’s pretty well documented that I’m kind of the Rex Hudler of the sports pages here, writing nothing but glowing things about our local teams. I’m already a documented Dodger, Laker and Clipper supporter, and a number of people have been urging me to come out of the closet and admit I like the Sparks.

But everywhere I go now, I’m that “homer” from L.A., and here I’m going to predict UCLA will reign supreme as Pac-10 champs with Bob Toledo and DeShaun Foster being honored as coach and player of the year.

Now between you and me, that means I’m going to have to really unload on USC and trash the crummy Trojans this season, or no one will take my analysis of the Bruins seriously.

I think this sense of fair play in suggesting the crummy Trojans will finish 5-6 and out of a bowl game will demonstrate to everyone across the country that here in L.A. we can assess these things objectively.

I TOLD Toledo the Bruins were my choice to win the Pac-10, because as you know I like to cozy up to the sports figures here in town, and he cracked, “If they can overcome the coaching,” and I laughed, and he laughed, and I suppose if anyone in the national media had seen us, it wouldn’t have done much for my reputation as a hard-boiled journalist.

I can make up for that, of course, by ripping USC’s Pete Carroll, but because I’m so fair-minded, I’m probably going to have to wait until he loses a game. And because the Trojans open against San Jose State, I might have to wait two whole weeks. Well, maybe not.

I tried listening to what Carroll had to say to the media, but it’s like my daughter when she does something wrong and then by way of explanation goes into this high-speed filibuster with the intention of talking until I get too tired to listen. Carroll talks so fast and rambles so much I can’t take notes, so I don’t think I’ll ever be quoting the guy in the newspaper.

Now he’s a very pleasant sort, and always sounds excited. He was telling everyone here he’s going to be the Trojans’ defensive coordinator, and from what I can gather, he believes the very best thing the Trojans have going for them is offensive coach Norm Chow, which makes me wonder why Mike Garrett didn’t make Chow and Carroll co-head coaches.

I mentioned to Carroll his performance as head coach with the New York Jets and New England Patriots leaves me dubious about his chances to succeed here. That’s when he started dancing like a boxer right there in the hotel, pounding his hands into the post next to me, all good-natured, but muttering something about being a great competitor. In a matter of seconds, he had thrown more punches into that post than Roy Jones Jr. had thrown in 12 rounds.

I made a mental note to never bring up the Jets and Patriots again.

IN CONTRAST to the Trojans, I love the Bruins, their 24 returning seniors, quarterback Cory Paus, linebacker Robert Thomas, Foster and another promise the defense is going to be really improved--or Toledo will just fire the defensive coordinator again.

Offensive whiz Al Borges has left to work at California and probably will become the school’s head coach next year. This leaves Toledo in charge of the offense. I’d be worried if he was left in charge of the defense.

Toledo is going to put the ball in Foster’s hands, and a healthy Foster runs the Bruins to the Pac-10 title, and throws himself into the Heisman Trophy debate. I’ll have to really be a homer and boost Foster’s cause to offset the East Coast bias. I hope people wait to turn in their ballots until after they see him trample the Trojans.

BECAUSE OF my NFL experience, I go way back with Washington’s Rick Neuheisel, Oregon State’s Dennis Erickson and Arizona’s John Mackovic, and I really like two of them, so I could talk to them frankly about what team scares them the most this season in the Pac-10 race.

I don’t think it would be fair to mention which coach bugs me, but I really like Erickson and Neuheisel, and they both agreed, UCLA has what it takes to be a real load this season.

I mentioned Foster’s name, and Erickson shook his head in admiration and with real concern. “He’s something else,” Erickson said.

I pointed out to Erickson, though, that it’s not fair that the Beavers’ schedule has them playing Fresno State, New Mexico State, Montana State and then gets a bye to prepare for a home game with UCLA, which will be coming off a game with Ohio State. It’s an obvious trap.

“It isn’t fair,” Erickson agreed, and that seemed just fine with him.

The game with Oregon State is the Bruins’ biggest Pac-10 challenge, considering UCLA gets Washington and Oregon in the Rose Bowl. The Bruins are very fortunate, because they only have to go on the road after Sept. 24 against the very weak teams in the Pac-10 such as Stanford, Washington State and USC.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Basil:

“After what you did to Kevin Malone and now Curtis Strange, you are a complete insult to mankind. You treat sports with zero respect. One day you will be repaid for your outbursts.”

I prefer cash to stock options.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.