Think Before You Speak, Because Words Can Hurt

Most kids would never dream of physically hurting someone else. But they sometimes forget that words can cause harm too. Spreading rumors or gossiping about someone can make that person feel sad, left out and angry.

“Words do have power. What you say about somebody can hurt them,” says UCLA psychologist Fred Frankel, an expert on friendship.

Of course, we’ve all talked about others at one time or another. So how do you know if what you’re doing is gossiping? Frankel offers a good test: If the person you’re talking about were standing beside you, would you still have the conversation? If you would feel embarrassed, chances are it’s gossip. Talking about someone else can ruin a friendship, so it’s always a good idea to think before you speak.

“If you are good friends with somebody, they are trusting you not to say negative things. . . . If you violate that trust, you’re violating the core of the friendship,” Frankel says.

He points out that people who spread unkind rumors usually make themselves look bad. But that doesn’t make it less painful if you are the target of gossip. So what should you do if someone is spreading lies or saying hurtful things about you?

One idea is simply to ignore the situation. If someone asks you about the rumors, just tell the truth. Another approach is to talk with the person doing the gossiping. Don’t get into a fight, just calmly ask the rumor-spreader to please stop. If the situation is upsetting you at school, it might help to tell your teacher. To stop the chain of gossip about another person, you can change the subject. Or you can say something nice about the person.

There’s one big exception to this. If you ever hear a rumor that a friend or classmate has talked about harming himself or others, it’s important to immediately alert a teacher, parent or counselor. Unfortunately, with school violence a sad reality, all threats must be taken seriously.

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Kids and other readers can reach Emily Dwass at emilydwass@yahoo.com.

Next month’s topic: bug bites.