THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

Chris Dufresne’s Top 25 College Football Rankings and Comments:

1 MIAMI

10-0 Hurricanes are so close to the Rose Bowl they can almost smell the horses clip-clopping down Colorado Boulevard.

2 FLORIDA

9-1 Some hard-liners think Spurrier and Bowden ought to settle their dispute the way Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr did.

3 TEXAS

10-1 Big 12 is “very disappointed” upon hearing mascots Bevo and Ralphie were seen in Vegas placing large wagers.

4 OREGON

9-1 After figuring out all BCS scenarios, quarterback Joey Harrington takes a crack at Fermat’s Last Theorem.

5 TENNESSEE

9-1 After weeks of soul-searching, Volunteer fans come to grips with fact Steve Spurrier grew up in their state.

6 COLORADO

9-2 CU linebacker punched out by Nebraska fans says he didn’t come close to getting hit that hard in the game.

7 ILLINOIS

10-1 Team sends Ohio State a beautiful bucket of buckeyes as gift for beating Michigan.

8 STANFORD

8-2 Cardinal itching to beat San Jose State at least once before the school drops football.

9 MARYLAND

10-1 Friedgen plans to put national coach-of-the-year trophy on mantel next to all those head-coaching rejection letters.

10 NEBRASKA

11-1 Cornhuskers admit breaking in new “Cumberland Gap” defense against Colorado may have been a mistake.

11 OKLAHOMA

10-2 Sooner defensive players meet this week to see if the offense deserves a share of the playoff money.

12 BRIGHAM YOUNG

11-0 Chances of making BCS as an at-large about as good as getting a double espresso at Mormon coffee house.

13 WASHINGTON

8-3 Holiday Bowl says it’s thrilled to have school that scored one more touchdown against Miami than Syracuse did.

14 MICHIGAN

8-3 That sound you just heard was Bo Schembechler kicking his water cooler for the 25th time since the Ohio State loss.

15 WASHINGTON STATE

9-2 In pre-Sun Bowl address, Coach Price warns players going to Juarez almost as dangerous as crossing Idaho border.

16 VIRGINIA TECH

8-2 Member of school’s F-Troop sent out on horseback to see if Miami might be coming their way.

17 SOUTH CAROLINA

8-3 Who would have thought Holtz would be preparing for a bowl the same time Notre Dame was preparing papers on Bob Davie?

18 LOUISVILLE

10-2 Cardinal players greeted with sprays of aerosol freshener after returning from odorous outing at Texas Christian.

19 FRESNO STATE

10-2 Silicon Valley officials think the car caravan from Fresno to San Jose could look like that scene from “Hoosiers.”

20 MARSHALL

10-1 If Marshall (GMAC) and Toledo (Motor City) are already bowl bound, why are these teams playing Friday for the MAC title?

21 GEORGIA

7-3 Glad to see team didn’t overlook Georgia Tech in anticipation of this week’s huge season-ending game against Houston.

22 SYRACUSE

9-3 Orangemen should be blue-in-face after getting the Gator Bowl cold shoulder.

23 LOUISIANA STATE

7-3 Win over Auburn this weekend gives Tigers SEC West title before losing to Florida-Tennessee winner in Dec. 8 title game.

24 OHIO STATE

7-4 One more win over Michigan and first-year Coach Jim Tressel matches John Cooper’s win total against Wolverines.

25 AUBURN

7-3 This just in off the state news wire: Fewer than 360 days until Auburn can avenge that gnarly loss to Alabama.