Simon Says of Ethical Standards: Well, It All Depends

A few moments in May with GOP gubernatorial candidate Bill Simon Jr., from his videotaped deposition in the fraud lawsuit brought against his investment firm by convicted marijuana smuggler Paul Edward Hindelang:

Asked about the ethical standards at William E. Simon & Sons, Simon first testified, “I would be very disappointed if people lied.”

Hindelang’s lawyer, Anthony C. Duffy: “If people lied, would you take remedial action if they were people that you directed and employed?”

Simon: “Well, you have to view that in the context of what the facts and circumstances were.”

Duffy: “So there are some circumstances, if you learn the Simon people had lied in public disclosures, that you might not take any kind of corrective or remedial action? Is that what you are saying?”

Simon: “No, I’m saying that, you know, there’s no such thing to me as a black-and-white situation. I would have to take a look at exactly what the facts and circumstances were. So I wouldn’t want to speculate on what I would do, absent knowing specific facts and circumstances.”

(Whoa! Is Bill Simon psychic? Two months later, President Bush defended his eight-month delay in filing a required stock-sale report, saying at one point, “All I can tell you is, is that in the corporate world, sometimes things aren’t exactly black and white when it comes to accounting procedures.”)

Duffy, later in the deposition: “Have you at any time, sir, heard of--either on your own part, you doing it, or anyone else doing it--of going into an investment where the Simon company has presented itself as being skilled, experienced and successful investors?”

Simon: “You know, I would have to scratch my head on that one. We have been involved in a lot of situations over the years, so off the top of my head, I don’t remember a precise conversation in that respect.”

In an interview a week ago on Sacramento radio station KFBK-AM (1530), Simon boasted that of the more than 160 investments by William E. Simon & Sons from 1994 to 2002, “over 70% of them were successful and profitable, and if you look at the rate of return on all the investments, the winners and the losers, they averaged over 20%. And the fact is, that’s a good rate of return. The fact is that that beats the stock market by a substantial margin. And the fact is that that’s why we’ve been able to attract a lot of good investors, a lot of very, very prominent institutional investors.”

What Would Harding Have to Say on This?

Almost every political season injects some new words or definitions into the political glossary. Take President Harding, who made up two words, one of which now passes for real English. One was “bloviate,” as in to “go out in the country and bloviate,” which pretty much means to say a great deal about very little. And Harding bypassed the noun “normality” and contrived the abnormal noun “normalcy,” which has lamentably entered the dictionary.

Here in California, two neologisms that probably won’t last past November still deserve a hearing--Simonize and Gray-vitate.

The first definitions come from USC senior scholar and political spinstress Sherry Bebitch Jeffe.

Simonize: the process of polishing yourself off.

Gray-vitate: to be strongly attracted to money; a noun form, Gray-vitas, a serious attraction to money.

Alternative definitions come from Republican consultant Rob Stutzman.

Simonize: to upset wealthy former big-city mayors, or to appear in TV commercials produced in campaign consultant Sal Russo’s office overlooking the state Capitol.

Gray-vitate: the function of placing government for sale ... at inflated prices, as in “The career politician was convicted of gray-vitating his office.”

Fishy Goings-On Right Under Legislators’ Noses

Throughout California, the rainbow trout is not an endangered species. On the grounds of the state Capitol, its future is more parlous. Despite a 4-foot-high fence, security cameras, “no trespassing” signs and an imposing statue of a Spanish-American War soldier, the trout are disappearing from the pond in Capitol Park.

In the spring, the trout census stood at 35. By mid-July, there were 19. Because evolution doesn’t work nearly that fast, the trout clearly did not sprout legs and walk. Six died of disease or were parboiled in the heat, but the rest were clearly poached--so say lawmen and pond guardians. People cleaning the pond’s bottom have found hooks, lures, fishing line, even car antennas snapped off and fashioned into makeshift rods.

Caretaker Stephen Fisher hates to see the trout dwindle, but isn’t surprised: “If I were homeless and hungry, I don’t think I could pass one up.” Which invites the recipe question: Are the stolen trout being served raw, sushi-style? Or carted off to some homeless encampment campfire for a fish barbecue?

Points Taken

* Got dough? Maybe 100 grand? How about being a chair at the lunch that billionaire David Murdock (Dole foods, developer, that Murdock) is hosting for President Bush this month to shake the tambourine for Simon’s gubernatorial campaign? That gets you two tables of 10 each, and two photos with Bush (two guests each with the prez per photo). If the stock market’s hit you hard, consider instead being on the host committee for $10,000, one table of 10, and one photo-limited availability, whatever that means, with Bush. All this is yours Aug. 24 at Murdock’s Thousand Oaks horse farm.

* No hard feelings: Gray Davis endorsed her brother’s opponent in the mayor’s race, but L.A. City Councilwoman Janice Hahn is giving the governor her support for November.

* Former President Clinton will trek west to Santa Ana on Sept. 5, when he will star at a fund-raiser for Rep. Loretta Sanchez, the only Democratic member of Congress in GOP-rich Orange County. Also on hand will be actress Rita Moreno, who trumps Clinton’s two terms in the White House as one of the few performers to have scored an Oscar, Emmy, Tony and a Grammy.

* Libertarian gubernatorial candidate Gary Copeland filed papers last week to run for the less-exalted office of director on the Trabuco Canyon Water District. The governor’s job pays $165,000 a year; the water district director gets $14,400, with a $120 per diem not to exceed 10 days a month. Oh, yes, and medical benefits.

* There goes the ol’ ball game: The Democratic Party of the San Fernando Valley will hold its fourth annual Labor Day picnic and softball game on Sept. 1; starting lineup yet to be named.

* Democrats have given up a plan to close the state’s $23.6-billion budget gap by more than doubling vehicle license fees, Assembly Speaker Herb Wesson of Culver City said. They fell back because of unyielding GOP opposition, and for that steadfastness, Wesson said, the Republicans “should be committed.” When everyone laughed, Wesson corrected himself: “commended.”

You Can Quote Me

“With the Republicans’ proposed cuts to our health-care system, anyone who contracts West Nile [virus] would be left for dead.”

--A Democratic Assembly aide waxes pithy over a proposed tax package debate in which Assemblyman Ken Maddox, a Garden Grove GOP-ster, compared the budget to a large mosquito carrying the West Nile virus.

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Separated at birth? House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt, above left, the Missouri Democrat who recently joined Mayor Jim Hahn at Los Angeles International Airport to announce the installation of security cameras, and local TV newsdude Paul Dandridge, who actually went to the news conference. And ... actress/producer Diane Baker, below left, who once was in a movie with Joan Crawford, and First Lady Laura Bush, who occasionally vacations at a ranch near the Texas town of Crawford.

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Patt Morrison’s columns appear Mondays and Tuesdays. Her e-mail address is patt.morrison@ latimes.com. This week’s contributors include Michael Finnegan, Jean O. Pasco, Julie Tamaki and Jenifer Warren.