Turning In a Marshmallow-Roaster: That’s Mighty Neighborly of You, Pal

Few things are as nerve-wracking as the suspicion that you might have dangerous neighbors.

The Laguna News-Post’s crime log reported that “a resident called police when he became alarmed about a neighbor roasting marshmallows on a barbecue. He told police that he thought the fire may be too hot and that they may not put it out as well as it should be.”

“Duh!” award winner: Along the Cumberland River in Tennessee, Kathryn Wilkens noticed a sign for drivers who do not own amphibious vehicles (see photo). I suppose it would be useful for drivers roasting marshmallows as well.

Graveyard humor: At a Newport Beach cemetery, Virgil Harrington spotted a memorial bench (see photo) left by someone jesting about owning property on the Gold Coast. An inscription on the bench says: “Family and friends, sit and look out to sea; Sip a glass of champagne and pour one on me!”

Still life? Bruce Gulde of Long Beach came upon a warning at the entrance to an apartment building that caused him to wonder if people inside were standing motionless (see photo).

A team about to run away from home? Suspicions that the San Diego Chargers may be moving to another city--perhaps hated L.A.--were not eased by the team’s listings in the Pac Bell directories. Almost all say simply “Chargers” and omit “San Diego” from the team name, reports Union-Tribune columnist Diane Bell. So does a season ticket application. And she adds that the team’s official Web site name is just www.chargers.com.

A Charger spokesman said the team was just trying to keep the references clean and tight, adding, “San Diego is very important to us.” Somehow, that phrase has a sort of distant quality to it.

Mystery solved: As for the photo that appeared here of a “Used Guts” sign in a clothing store in Kyoto, Sam Jameson, The Times’ former Japan bureau chief, wrote: “There is no article of clothing that is called ‘guts’ in Japanese. Therefore, the use of the word is almost certainly a simple spelling mistake arising from the difficulty of transcribing Japanese pronunciations into English spelling.”

Jameson said the word “guts” probably was supposed to be “goods.” Several other readers concurred, including Judge Roger Boren of the 2nd District Court of Appeal. Boren said the word “gut” (pronounced “goot”) is “the root for the German noun equivalent of the English noun ‘goods,’ as in wares or merchandise.”

miscelLAny: “Best Secret Parking Place” was one of the categories in the L.A. Downtown News’ “Best of Downtown” poll. Reader Jeu Foon’s response: “The chief of police’s slot.” At least until a permanent replacement for Bernard Parks is named.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at steve. harvey@latimes.com.