MTV Shows Are Built Not to Last

When MTV renewed its rock-star-as-sitcom-dad hit “The Osbournes,” the family’s laundry list of conditions included rights to syndicate episodes to TV stations beginning in 2004. To which Ozzy himself might say, “Are you out of your [mumbled, inaudible] minds?”

Even before Sharon Osbourne’s disclosed bout with cancer cast doubt over the show’s future--can family high jinks coexist with chemotherapy, or will the focus, through the wonders of editing, need to shift toward the kids?--the novelty of “The Osbournes” seemed unlikely to sustain interest beyond a second season or inspire anyone to watch two years from now. Moreover, given the way MTV approaches its business, nor was it meant to.

That the show looks destined for a fast flameout is no big sweat to the MTV brain trust, which has seen other youth-oriented phenomena follow a meteoric trajectory, from “Beavis and Butt-head” to “Jackass” to a series that MTV executive Brian Graden helped develop, Comedy Central’s “South Park.”

“They burn bright, they burn fast,” mused MTV President Van Toffler.

More notable than “The Osbournes’ ” long-term prospects, in fact, is how MTV’s accelerated cycle has begun permeating network television, where sequels to Fox’s “Temptation Island” and ABC’s “The Mole” quickly cratered and the second “Celebrity Boxing” special had the instant feel of been there, done that.

This pattern represents a serious detour for the major networks, once accustomed to finding hits and then hanging on until the young adults watching them were eligible for Social Security. As it is, “NYPD Blue” and “Frasier” are preparing for their 10th seasons, “ER” and “Friends” their ninth, “The Simpsons” will kick off Year 14, and “Law & Order” is readying for lucky No. 13, having started a little family of spinoffs.

MTV, by contrast, has operated on a different calendar timed to the short attention spans of its teenage audience. Granted, “The Real World” has endured more than a decade, but that show changes casts and locations with each edition. Otherwise, MTV chews up and spits out material--a channel perfectly suited to the demands of a media world that often feels like a 33 record (remember those, kids?) playing at 78 speed.

It’s not a mind-set that leaves much time for dwelling on success. “ ‘The Osbournes,’ which may have two more years, does not occupy any of our conversations,” said Graden, president of entertainment for MTV and VH1, who appropriately talks very fast in perfect, complete sentences. “It’s done, it’s over, the show will be made, but all of our conversations are about the future.”

The major networks are torn in this regard. They realize the value of long-running franchises but covet cheaper, quick-hit fare to tap into a younger audience. And because these cheesy shows generally have the kind of shelf life associated with other dairy products, no one at NBC is worrying about what to do for the “Fear Factor” 10th anniversary show, just as “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” and “Weakest Link” shone brightly for a time before migrating to the lower-stakes world of early-evening syndication.

Broadcasters, as a result, can trip up by too closely following MTV, which caters to a hyperkinetic audience that rapidly grows up and out of its demographic. “When you’re 18, what you were listening to when you were 16 is uncool,” Graden said. “That’s part of it.”

Considering that HBO is widely viewed as television’s best programming job--in that the channel defines success on its terms without being enslaved by ratings--MTV officials describe theirs as the most relentless, albeit with certain advantages over those who might try to mimic them.

As a cable channel, MTV escapes the sort of scrutiny devoted to the big networks, so its misfires sometimes fly under the media’s radar. In addition, the frenetic pace actually appears to be a boon when it comes to attracting talent, since MTV offers marquee (or sometimes just unusual) names an opportunity to indulge in risk-taking fare without needing to replicate the experience indefinitely. P. Diddy can thus connect with potential CD buyers by letting MTV shoot “Making the Band” around him, just as singer Brandy opened up for a recent monthlong series documenting the birth of her child.

“It’s not like they’ve got to commit five years of their lives to MTV,” Toffler said.

Part of this live-for-today philosophy stems from a desire to keep costs low, but it simultaneously spares MTV from the specter of ratings freefall that major networks face by losing a franchise like “Friends,” “Everybody Loves Raymond” or “Millionaire.”

“We strive sort of mercilessly never to be defined by one show,” Graden said. “Right now the press is writing about ‘The Osbournes,’ but that’s only because old people are watching it. To our audience, we have 15 shows doing the same demographic rating within [the age group of] 12 to 24.... So even though the lifespan is pretty short, we try to make sure the volume is pretty deep.”

“The thing that we fall back on is the environment and the culture of the music,” Toffler added. “If anything, that’s what defines us. Not ‘Jackass’ or ‘Beavis and Butt-head.’ ”

MTV executives are understandably a bit full of themselves these days--”The Osbournes” having become the kind of series breakthrough, in terms of ratings and media attention, that doubtless seemed unimaginable when the channel was best-known for running Whitesnake videos.

Still, MTV’s influence has been undeniable, planting seeds other networks have rushed to harvest--with “Jackass” helping beget “Fear Factor,” just as “The Real World” begat “Big Brother,” and “The Osbournes” begat E!’s upcoming “The Anna Nicole Show” and a host of anticipated wannabes.

“I feel like Van and I should get a royalty,” Graden quipped.

The challenge for MTV remains staying ahead of the curve, hoping that by the time the next clone arrives, its lab will have concocted some new potion to briefly mesmerize the youth audience.

“Let other people imitate us,” Toffler said. “We’re on to the next thing.”

As for “old people” awaiting new episodes of “The Osbournes”--that is, anyone over 35--enjoy the show while it lasts, because by the time you can hoist a thumb to hitch a ride on MTV’s next cultural phenom, the odds are pretty good it will have already passed you by.

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Brian Lowry’s column appears Wednesdays. He can be reached at brian.lowry@latimes.com.