Phase 2 of war: shock and kitsch
For souvenir hunters, the next best thing to looting one of Saddam Hussein’s palaces is scrounging for war curios on the Internet.
The list of trinkets ranges from Bomb Saddam hot sauce and Iraqi Road ice cream to Hussein pinatas and “Shock and Awe” underwear.
The biggest cache of merchandise is on EBay, with roughly 3,000 war-related items, mostly Iraqi coins and bills but also an assortment of novelty products: Hussein condoms, puppets and voodoo dolls, “Pave Iraq” wristwatches, terrorist body bags, wacky T-shirts. The list goes on.
So, why do people buy this stuff?
“It’s an attempt, as civilians, to join in the war,” psychiatrist Mark Goulston says. “The thing all these items have in common is that they ridicule Saddam Hussein.... People intuitively understand that the one thing that psychopaths and narcissists like Hussein can’t stand is to be humiliated.”
Some of the items are recycled from 1991’s Persian Gulf War, but many are 2003 originals. Among the offerings:
* Talking dolls. A 12-inch-high action figure of Iraq’s most famous optimist, Information Minister Mohammed Said Sahaf. Push a button and he utters such trademark phrases as “There are no infidels in Baghdad. Never!” and “Our initial assessment is that they will all die.” Selling for $36 at www.herobuilders.com, which also offers a talking Bush doll, Osama bin Laden in a pink dress, Hussein wearing a leather sadomasochism outfit and -- on the home front -- a Michael Jackson action figure dangling an infant from a hotel balcony.
* Bomb Saddam Mad Blast Habanero Hot Sauce. This weapon of mouth destruction features a tiny black beret that fits over the bottle cap. Available from www.gourmetmikes.com.
* Soap on a rope. Hussein’s mustachioed mug graces this bar of glycerin soap, suspended with twine so you can “hang him in your very own shower.” Also available is the five-bar Security Alert Soap Set -- in blue, green, yellow, orange and red. At www.sweetsoaps.com.
* Iraqi most-wanted playing cards. Earlier this year, the military created a deck of playing cards emblazoned with 52 of Iraq’s “most-wanted” leaders. Hussein was the ace of spades, his son Uday was the ace of hearts, etc. The company that manufactured the cards for soldiers is now offering them to the public at www.greatusaflags.com. The images also can be downloaded for free at a military Web site, www.centcom.mil.
* Terrorist body bag. Stamped with pictures of Hussein and Bin Laden, these burlap bags display a gentle request to “locate, capture and kill” any terrorist. It’s the perfect accompaniment to another EBay offering, the Saddam Hussein hunting permit.
* Anti-Iraq attire. So many shirts, so little time. The T-shirt designs include Hussein’s face in cross hairs with the words “Game Over 2003” (www.iraqtshirts.com); a photo of Bush on the phone to Hussein, who is standing in a bombed-out building next to the words “Can you hear me now?” (www.ebay.com); and a “timely and sexy” spaghetti-strap top and shorts stenciled with the phrase “Shock & Awe!” (www.upyourtee.com).
Other apparel items available on the Internet include Hussein “head on platter” watches, “Weapons Inspector” hooded jackets and Donald Rumsfeld watches.
* Iraqi Road ice cream. The Star Spangled Ice Cream Co., which bills itself as a conservative alternative to Ben & Jerry’s (for people who don’t want their money “funneled to wacko left-wing causes”), has begun selling quarts of I Hate the French Vanilla and Iraqi Road.
Future flavors include U.S. Army Tank Crunch, Donald Rum Raisin and U.S. Navy Battle-Chip. Available at www.starspangledicecream.com.
