‘Cancun’ has come home

You did what on spring break?

Most parents subscribe to “don’t ask, don’t tell” regarding their college-aged children on a vacation overflowing with sex and booze. And it’s hard to imagine that any mom or dad wants to watch a close-up of a son or daughter licking tequila off someone else’s son or daughter. (“What’s your name?” said Alan Taylor, 18, after slurping a shot from a young woman’s bellybutton.) Nor do parents want to watch their children backin’ that thang up on the dance floor, baring breasts in wet T-shirt contests minus the T-shirts, competing with or without Speedos for the hottest body award, or hooking up with strangers for one-night stands.

Or getting snubbed by last night’s sex partner.

Blissful ignorance is not an option for the parents of Alan Taylor nor the rest of the 16-member “cast” in “The Real Cancun” (New Line Cinema), which opened Friday with an R rating for strong sexuality/nudity, language and partying.

Billed as the first feature-length reality film, an extension of the genre popularized by MTV’s “Real World,” the movie leaves little to the imagination. Picture a sexed-up, drunken “Beach Blanket Bingo.” Only with your own kid. Or your neighbor’s kid.

The cast saw the film, which wrapped a mere month ago, for the first time Thursday at the premiere at the Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood. A few brought their mothers.

“He didn’t do anything he needs to be ashamed of,” said Marlis Atwell, whose son, Alan (of the bellybutton shots), is the dorky boy next door -- innocent when he arrives but a foulmouthed, rapping party animal by the time he leaves Cancun.

“Alan doesn’t curse, so it was weird to hear him say those words,” she added. “At home, “He’ll say, ‘Darn it, Mom.’ ” Back in Rowlett, Texas, said Alan’s mom, “He doesn’t drink. When he came home, we went out to dinner, and he ordered five Diet Cokes.” She wished he’d worn boxers rather than a tangerine Speedo during hot body contest (which he won).

Before Alan, a freshman at Texas Tech University, left for his wild vacation, he got some advice from his older brother, Landon Taylor, a finalist for the cast. “I told him to keep his pants on because the whole world, including my grandma, is going to see this,” Landon Taylor said.

Good advice on or off screen, and a lesson some missed.

This spring break lasted eight sunny days and balmy nights in the Mexican Caribbean. The cast, chosen from open calls at college campuses, lived together in a beachfront villa. Cameras captured them 24/7 -- on the beach, in the ocean, drinking, on horseback, swimming with dolphins, drinking, bungee-jumping, dancing, kissing, coupling wherever, whenever, with whomever. And, of course, drinking.

“The trip in itself was one party, dirty-dancing, making out, hooking up,” said a two-timing, love-’em-and-leave-’em Jeremy Jazwinski, 22. “There’s a lot of other hooking up going on that nobody saw.”

What will his mother think?

“Oooh, I made the phone call today,” said Jeremy, who graduated recently with a business degree from Arizona State University. “ ‘Hey guys, I’m the bad guy.’ It does kind of look like that. It got me really worried.... I hooked up with more girls than were on the screen in the movie. I thought they were going to show all of it. So, I said, ‘Listen, Mom, you’re not going to see the movie until I get home.’ “I don’t think she’ll be that surprised,” he said, “maybe a little disappointed, that I’m so crude and rude. She’s my mom. She knows how I am.” Marquita “Sky” Marshall, a 21-year old computer graphics major from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, seemed to own a dozen bikinis. “My momma’s gonna love me,” she said. “I didn’t do anything that would demoralize or degrade me or my family. I don’t regret anything I did.” Still, she didn’t invite her mother from Chicago for the premiere. “I don’t want to be sitting next to her while watching it,” she said before the movie started. “I don’t know what they are going to show.”

A lot.

“It was better than what I expected,” said Sheryl Johnson, mother of the smooth-talking Paul Malbry, a graduate of Fairfax High School and a communications major at Xavier University in New Orleans. “I went to college, but my parents never let me go on spring break,” she said. “They wanted to know what goes on down there.”

Plenty.

Including that too.

“The only thing that made me uncomfortable is when they caught him making love to that girl, and I’m glad that it was brief,” said Johnson. “I know he’s 21, and he’s going to do that, but as his mother, I don’t want to see it. I do like the fact that he did practice safe sex.”

Nothing in the movie surprised her, nor the mother of Jorell Washington, Paul’s best friend. “My son and I have a very close relationship, so I knew just about everything that was basically going on,” said Charleen Johnson (no relation). “We talked about sex. If you have to do this, you have to protect yourself.... You see him going to get a condom and giving it to Paul, when he’s about to do what he’s going to do.”

Jorell, a big and funny man, who graduated from Inglewood High and studies computer science at El Camino College, was more observer than lover. He didn’t handle his liquor very well, either, according to his mom, who believes it was the first and last time her son will drink. “He had a headache,” she said. “One day he didn’t show up because he was sick.”

Sex expert Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington, doesn’t think parents should watch their children “getting drunk, puking their brains out or having sex.... A parent should, under no circumstances, go see that movie. You barely want to know what your kid is doing on a date. Those are basically private activities, not for the whole world to see.”

Could co-producer/director Rick De Oliveria imagine his own young children growing up to star in a movie like this?

“If my kids decided to do that, it’s up to them,” he said as he walked a red carpet covered with the white sand just like Cancun’s. “I’d tell them the same thing I’d tell the cast members: Be yourself. If you’re yourself, you’ll have nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re trying to be someone else or trying to be a fraud or trying to be something you think you’re going to be, you’re going to have a miserable time.”

As wild as the Cancun shoot was, De Oliveria, 34, said it doesn’t compare to the spring breaks he experienced as an undergraduate at the University of South Florida. “I’ve been to Cancun twice, Daytona, Fort Lauderdale,” he said. These students, he said, “notched it down about 25%.”

That probably won’t come as a relief to their parents.