Can Viewers Take This With a Grain of Sand?

Spike TV is on the air!

Beach volleyball returns this weekend to national television amid bikini-clad babes and aspiring Sports Illustrated swimsuit models as NBC, billing itself as “the first channel for men,” follows the championship pursuit of Ren and Stimpy in the men’s division while Holly McPeak and an animated version of Pamela Anderson compete for the top women’s prize and ...

Wait a second.

Let me take another look at those press releases.

OK. The spikes are on NBC. (“DIG” is on Fox Sports Net, but let’s not confuse matters more than they already are.) There is no beach volleyball on Spike TV, although there is SlamBall. Spike TV is the one touting itself as the first channel specifically designed for men, although that can be confusing too.

Check:

The channel with the aspiring SI swimsuit models and other scantily clad women cavorting on the beach -- that’s NBC.

The channel with grown men palming basketballs and bouncing on trampolines -- that’s Spike TV, “the first channel for men.”

Maybe we should cut Spike TV a break here. The network formerly known as The New TNN (which was formerly known as the old TNN) can surely use one. The lawsuits have been pouring in. Spike Lee sued over the use of the Spike name. A former stripper named Janet Clover sued, claiming she is the “true creator” of “Stripperella,” the Spike TV cartoon that features an animated version of Pamela Anderson.

And about that claim of being the first TV channel for men? It’s amazing the Golf Channel, the History Channel, ESPN and the Playboy Channel haven’t already filed papers.

NBC is back in the beach volleyball game, devoting 90 minutes of live coverage both today and Sunday to the AVP tour stop at Manhattan Beach. Today at 1:30 p.m., for the first time, NBC will televise the women’s final live. Sunday, NBC airs the men’s final, also beginning at 1:30.

Why would NBC be doing this, considering beach volleyball’s troubled recent history, the AVP’s 1998 bankruptcy and the sport’s traditionally low TV ratings?

For the same reasons NBC televises the Arena Football League.

NBC has no NFL or big league baseball to televise -- and it’s a minority investor in the AVP and the AFL.

After reaching a three-year agreement with the AVP in January, NBC now has a vested interest in pushing beach volleyball ratings beyond the 1.5 mark.

Which explains why NBC has built much of its pre-tournament advertising around Sports Illustrated’s “Fresh Faces Swimsuit Model Search,” imploring members of the all-important 12-to-92 male demographic to “Tune in to see who will be the next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model.”

Fox is taking a similar approach with its new weekly series on the AVP beach tour, “DIG,” which debuts today on Fox Sports Net 2 at 10 a.m. “DIG” promises highlights, interviews, personality features, player tips and, of course, aspiring models, aspiring models, aspiring models!

Also available for viewing this weekend:

TODAY

* Little League Southeast Region Final

(ESPN, 3 p.m.)

The press release says, “ESPN, ESPN2 and ABC Sports will combine to present the most extensive coverage of the Little League World Series in event history with 35 telecasts,” including eight regional final games in four days and featuring such technological wonders as UmpCam, HatCam and yet-to-be-nicknamed robot cams to “provide unique baseline views.”

This is a good thing?

In the same release, Little League World Series analyst Harold Reynolds says, “It’s my responsibility to remind the audience these players are only 11 and 12 years old.” While you’re at it, Harold, can you remind the executives at ESPN too?

* Little League Great Lakes Region Final

(ESPN, 5 p.m.)

Winner to face the Detroit Tigers in a best-of-three series in Toledo. Winner of that advances to Williamsport.

* San Diego Chargers at Seattle Seahawks

(Fox Sports Net 2, 7 p.m.)

The Chargers want our love, but is the L.A. sports fan ready to commit? Let’s see:

The Chargers are holding summer training camp in Carson.

Watch the first half.

The Chargers and the city of San Diego just extended negotiations for a new stadium through next April.

Watch the first series.

* Chicago Cubs at Dodgers

(Channel 13, 7 p.m.)

The Dodgers are riding high after sweeping the Team Formerly Known As The Cincinnati Reds. If more opponents remaining on the Dodgers’ schedule had decided to dismantle their roster right before the trade deadline, you know, the Dodgers might have been able to climb back into this thing.

Former Red general manager Jim Bowden told ESPN Radio, “I really believe we should do division(s) by revenue. We should have a pennant race based on revenue and have similar type clubs play against each other.”

That wouldn’t much help the Dodgers’ cause.

SUNDAY

* NASCAR Winston Cup Series at Watkins Glen, N.Y.

(Channel 4, 10:30 a.m.)

Stock car fans are grousing about the number of commercials NBC is cramming into NASCAR telecasts. According to the Web site motorsportsTV.com, NBC and TNT are averaging 16 minutes 30 seconds worth of commercials per broadcast hour -- up from Fox’s average of 15:20 during the first half of the season.

Interesting. You’ve seen the decals on the cars. NASCAR is a sport that consists of four-wheeled billboards traveling as fast as they can.

Stock car fans are grousing about the number of commercials interrupting the commercials.